THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by stapp, Apr 13, 2006.

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  1. stapp

    stapp Global Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
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    7,280
    Location:
    England
    My mother taught me religion
    “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

    My mother taught me about time travel
    “If you don’t behave, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”

    My mother taught me about logic
    “Because I said so, that’s why.”

    My mother taught me more logic
    “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the shops with me.”

    My mother taught me foresight
    “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

    My mother taught me about the science of osmosis
    “Shut your mouth and eat your tea.”

    My mother taught me about contortionism
    “Just look at that dirt on the back of your neck.”

    My mother taught me about stamina
    “You’ll sit there until all that cabbage is gone.”

    My mother taught me about hypocrisy
    “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times- don’t exaggerate.”

    My mother taught me about anticipation
    “Just wait until we get home.”

    My mother taught me medical science
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’ll get stuck that way.”

    My mother taught me humour
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

    My mother taught me about my roots
    “Shut that door. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

    My mother taught me about justice
    “One day you’ll have kids. And I hope they turn out just like you.”
     
  2. BeetleBoss

    BeetleBoss She who posts lots of <I>Smileys</I>

    Joined:
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    Posts:
    10,610
    Location:
    We're somewhere in Kansas, Toto!!!!
    A small boy is sent to bed by his father....

    [Five minutes later]

    "Da-ad..."
    "What?"
    "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
    "No. You had your chance. Lights out."

    [Five minutes later]


    "Da-aaaad..."
    "WHAT?"
    "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
    "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

    [Five minutes later]


    "Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."
    "WHAT??!!"
    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
     
  3. dog [away]

    dog [away] Guest

    ROTF ... Who hasn't heard at least, more than a few of those. :p

    No wonder "Pink" was paranoid about his mom. :D
     
  4. ~*Nat*~

    ~*Nat*~ Registered Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2004
    Posts:
    8,129
    Location:
    Germany/Ohio-USA ~ between two worlds
    LOL!:D

    And my mother taught me to forsee the future.

    "You'll put me in my early grave!"
    when I wasn't so well-behaved. :doubt:

    And that was 20somethin' years ago ~ she's still alive & kicking. :D :D (Thank you GOD!)
     
  5. mikel108

    mikel108 Registered Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2004
    Posts:
    1,057
    Location:
    SW Ontario, Canada
    My Mom taught me two things I still remember (or is that chose to remember) to this day.

    1. Never check your mail on Friday, as you may get a bill. Being responsible you will use your money to pay that bill....and then you will have no fun money left for the week-end!:D

    2. Donnez-moi de l'argent!
     
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