PERFECT FIREWALL (This is a fun thread so mods decide what to do)

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Mrkvonic, Jan 10, 2006.

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  1. Mrkvonic

    Mrkvonic Linux Systems Expert

    Joined:
    May 9, 2005
    Posts:
    8,698
    Hello,
    Mrkvonic Technologies are proud to present two brand new firewalls for home users:

    Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick 1.00 Home
    Jay And Silent Bob Pro (Beta)

    Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick (CNRK) is a totally non-customizable firewall with a single port (Port 65536 NORRIS) that monitors all traffic using the latest state-of-art anti-spam Texas Ranger bayesian filter and Delta Force anti-ping trap. UDP and TCP are no longer used with the highly advanced CNRK firewall.
    CNRK also comes with 3 free episodes of Walker Texas Ranger episodes plus a free Chuck portrait boot log-on splash screen. All commands in the firewall are accompanied by genuine Chuck Norris voice (optional).
    The Home version is out for sale for only $49.99. Bringing receits for every Chuck Norris VHS / DVD you own will earn you $4.99 rebate.

    Jay And Silent Bob Pro is a radical new approach to Internet Security. By default all ports are open. However, traffic monitor logs all traffic and reports to Jay And Silent Bob Community Center. If illegitimate traffic is recorded, Jay and Bob are dispatched to manhandle the culprit.
    The firewall is customizable with 430 retribution methods. Additional extensions will be available in the first commercial version.
    Beta testers are required to validate the fficiency of the Community Center.
    Beta testers will be elligible for 2 year free upgrades.

    Mrk
     
  2. noway

    noway Registered Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Posts:
    351
    Stop the presses!
    There is now a bidding war between Symantec, McAfee, Computer Associates and Checkpoint to purchase this new technology. A Symantec spokesperson explained, "We've always been attracted to new technologies to incorporate into our security bundles and "Jay And Silent Bob" Pro is particularly interesting. In fact, our developers are currently investigating strategies to incorporate LiveUpdate into this technology, so that when "Jay and Bob" need to get some rest and relaxation, LiveUpdate can automatically replace them with "Peter and Norton" for uninterrupted protection.
     
  3. sosaiso

    sosaiso Registered Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2005
    Posts:
    601
    This sounds like a web comic I'm reading, where anyone trying to tap into this guy's network was tracked down by bot campers and shot by heat seeking missles. Very good concept. I'd like to beta test J&B Personal firewall.
     
  4. Mrkvonic

    Mrkvonic Linux Systems Expert

    Joined:
    May 9, 2005
    Posts:
    8,698
    Hi,
    See Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back movie.
    The concept is proven at the end of the movie ...
    Mrk
     
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