one liners

How does a woman show she's planning for the future? Plastic Surgery.

 

A crisis occurs when you cannot say 'lets forget the whole damn thing!!!''

 

A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!

 

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

 

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't (Erica Jong)

 

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

 

A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow.

 

A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.

 

A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have. (Abraham Lincoln)

 

A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked

 

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

 

Just when you begin to understand one program, a new version comes out with all new interface and commands!

 

After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

 

A good school is a community where children learn to live first and foremost as children and not as future adults.

 

A good way to change somebody's attitude is to change your own.

 

A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when they is counting their blessings.

 

The most difficult thing about business is minding your own!

 

A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.

 

Aim at heaven and you get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither (C.S.Lewis)

 

A jury is a bunch of people whose main purpose is to review lawyers.

 

A kid's idea of balanced diet: Hamburger in both hands!

 

A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows. (C.S.Lewis)

 

All men make mistakes, though only married ones realise it sooner.

 

A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.

 

Forgive your enemies if you must, but remember their names always!