one liners

Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.

 

Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position!

 

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

 

Man and the turtle are very much alike. Neither makes any progress without sticking his neck out.

 

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

 

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

 

Many people lose their tempers merely by seeing you keep yours.

 

Marriage - is an expensive way of getting your laundry done for free.

 

May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you are dead. (Irish proverb)

 

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; they like to be a man's last romance.

 

Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns...Ever notice how all womens problems begin with men?

 

Mosquitoes are a great moral force; it forces mankind to wear more clothes that modesty.

 

Murphy's Law isn't recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

 

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

 

My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.

 

My "check engine" light came on the other day. I popped the hood, and looked, the engine is STILL there! Silly light . . .

 

My five-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, and she replied,"Whatever my Mom tells him to."

 

My worst day of vacation has always been better than my best day at work.

 

Need some time to be alone, try washing the dishes!

 

Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat you with experience.

 

Never run from your fears. Because when they catch up to you you're too tired to fight.

 

Never stand between a dog and a tree.

 

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

 

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.