one liners

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace...you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

 

smelly cat ... smelly cat ... what are they feeding you

 

Your request is not unlike your lower intestine. Stinky and full of danger

 

My name?? Meoff, Jack --"Black Sheep"

 

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

 

It's understanding that makes it possible for people like us to tolerate a person like youself

 

"You always find it in the last place you look"

Well, no duh! Who keeps looking after they find it? It's always the last place you look, even if it was the first place you tried

 

There's never enough time to do something right, but there is always time to do it over

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder

 

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk

 

What's the speed of dark

 

The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel

 

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

 

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you

 

Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader

 

Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

 

On the other hand, you have different fingers

 

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs

 

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once

 

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot

 

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

 

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done

 

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose