one liners

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

 

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

 

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

 

The Phrase, "convicted fellon" is reduntant. No one is a fellon until they are convicted

 

It takes 3000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a years supply of footballs

 

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

 

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

 

I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.

 

Pound for pound, hamburger cost more than a new car

 

Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

 

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

 

The bible has been translated into Klingon

 

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

 

It's possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs

 

Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.

 

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

 

Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans

 

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

 

wonder what they call a pocket calculator in a nudist colony

 

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

If you jogged backwards would you gain weight

 

Drugs may lead to nowhere but at least it is the scenic route

 

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.