Now, Let's talk some Golf!

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Dazed_and_Confused, Jun 20, 2004.

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  1. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    Let's not have any of that BS... :D
     

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    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 8, 2004
    #226
  2. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    ssgtmax, Jul 9, 2004
    #227
  3. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    ssgtmax, Jul 9, 2004
    #228
  4. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    ssgtmax, Jul 9, 2004
    #229
  5. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    What are you talking about? Looks legal to me! :D :D :D
     
    ronjor, Jul 9, 2004
    #230
  6. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

    18 REASONS WHY GOLF IS BETTER THAN SEX

    18 - You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
    17 - If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique.
    16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything about golf.
    15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet when you become famous.
    14 - Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with.
    13 - It's perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger.
    12 - When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together.
    11 - If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you golf with someone else.
    10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you golf by yourself.
    9 - When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
    8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy golf stuff.
    7 - You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes and invite coworkers to golf with you without getting sued for harassment.
    6 - There is no such thing as a golf transmitted disease.
    5 - If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to subscribe to a premium cable channel.
    4 - Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the rest of your life.
    3 - Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game.
    2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the enjoyment of golf.
    1 - Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! Is that all you ever think about?"
     
    ssgtmax, Jul 9, 2004
    #231
  7. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    No comment. :rolleyes:
     
    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 9, 2004
    #232
  8. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    ssgtmax, Jul 9, 2004
    #233
  9. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    Last edited: Jul 9, 2004
    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 9, 2004
    #234
  10. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    Allright you two!! :D
     

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    ronjor, Jul 9, 2004
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  11. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    Too funny. I get the impression SSG needs to spend less time on the 18th hole, and more on the 19th. :D

    Edit: I would give my 20 reasons why Sex is better than golf, but I suspect Paul would object. :D ;) :D ;)
     
    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 9, 2004
    #236
  12. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    Got a new puppy today. :) :) Do you think he would make a good caddy?:D
     

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    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 10, 2004
    #237
  13. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    Too many....uh....trees on the course to distract him! :D :D :D
     
    ssgtmax, Jul 10, 2004
    #238
  14. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    We've been searching for Dog o_O
     
    ronjor, Jul 10, 2004
    #239
  15. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    Left turn, no signal....nuttin' 2 do with golf or dog:

    ronjor & Dazed -

    Just returned from Dodger Stadium after watchin' my Boys in Blue put a 3-1 whuppin' on Clemens & the 'Stros. ;) Great game. One bad pitch by The Rocket....a 3-run dinger by Paul LoDuca. Man, I wish I coulda thrown 94 mph @ age 40!

    I'd start a separate baseball thread, but I don't know if anybody here is interested. o_O
     
    ssgtmax, Jul 10, 2004
    #240
  16. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    There is a term for the Astros here---snakebit. They are always just a little off.
    Great players, alltime winning record, etc. They just never can quite get over the hump.
     
    ronjor, Jul 10, 2004
    #241
  17. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    You start talking about baseball, and that's when I exit... ;) Can't stand to watch the game. Now, I enjoy going to the stadium and drinking with the girls, but the game is BORING! Nothing personal, SSG.
     
    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 10, 2004
    #242
  18. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    Of course. Nothing personal.
     
    ssgtmax, Jul 11, 2004
    #243
  19. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    Yikes!!! Forgot the attachment....
     

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    ssgtmax, Jul 11, 2004
    #244
  20. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

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    The rules do matter.

    Sam Snead, like any pro golfer worth his salt & reputation, was always a stickler for the Rules of Golf. Being a great storyteller, he would sometimes spin this yarn about why rules (and strict adherence to them) can be so important....

    Sam was known to wager a few bucks on a round. One day he'd bet a pretty sizeable sum with a hotshot amateur player looking to beat the master & fleece his wallet. Long about the 5th hole or so, the amateur player teed up his ball about 6" or so in front of the tee markers & prepared to hit his drive.

    Sam said, "Whadda ya doin' there, young fella? Teeing up in front of the tees is not allowed."

    The amateur replied, "Hey, it doesn't make that much difference in a friendly game. You can do the same."

    "OK," replied Sam.

    After the amateur player hit his tee shot, Sam stood on the tee box for a moment with his ball & tee in hand. He then took off in full stride down the fairway. Mr. Amateur yelled, "Hey, where ya goin'?! You haven't hit yet."

    Over his shoulder Sam replied, "As long as we can tee up in front of the markers, I'm gonna head down here a couple hundred yards & find a REALLY NICE SPOT."
     
    ssgtmax, Jul 11, 2004
    #245
  21. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    HaHa! I remember a very similar story about why "gimme" shots should not be allowed. :D:D


    Gimme: A shot, usually on the green, but that may be anywhere on the course, that is conceded by a player’s opponent. Gimmees are usually applied to short putts that are almost certain to be holed
     
    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 11, 2004
    #246
  22. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    The laws of golf
    LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

    LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

    LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

    LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

    LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

    LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

    LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

    LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

    LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

    LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

    LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

    LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

    LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

    LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).

    LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

    LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

    LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

    LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

    LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

    LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
     
    ronjor, Jul 11, 2004
    #247
  23. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    Ha! Ain't that the truth. Or maybe "You didn't keep your left arm straight". :rolleyes:
     
    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 12, 2004
    #248
  24. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

    "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

    "Oh, that's awful!"

    "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
     
    ronjor, Jul 12, 2004
    #249
  25. Dazed_and_Confused

    Dazed_and_Confused Registered Member

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    Yeah, I hate when that happens. :D
     
    Dazed_and_Confused, Jul 12, 2004
    #250
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