Jokes told from the computer store

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Uguel707, Jun 22, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    LooooooooooooL! LowWaterMark found him!

    See how things get clearer jut by turning on the lights!

    Uguel :D
     
  2. Marianna

    Marianna Spyware Fighter

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2002
    Posts:
    1,215
    Location:
    B.C. Canada
  3. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    HO! HO! HO! :D :D :D

    Nice pic Marianna!


    Now I understand why he disappeared!...

    Uguel
     
  4. Marianna

    Marianna Spyware Fighter

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2002
    Posts:
    1,215
    Location:
    B.C. Canada
  5. puff-m-d

    puff-m-d Registered Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2002
    Posts:
    5,703
    Location:
    North Carolina, USA
    Hmmmm.... If Blaze jus had his wooden spoon in the other hand.....
     
  6. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2003
    Posts:
    2,842
    Location:
    on the sofa
    lol i was watching comedy roast on tv it was good lol

    hi guys im around lol just been real busy doing stuff around the house filling out job applications and driveing

    "all look out get off the side walksblind man comeing threw lol"

    so far i tore apart two cat pins clean out two dog pins on a 1,2 acres land cleatred brush destroy stuff weed wack the property

    the list go on and on lol

    i barely had time to come here and even worst i hadnt got my daily dose of porn sucks

    hmmmmmmm no one seems to be calling me for a job

    thats ok plenty of stuff to do here and also if i get super bored i can work with my dad

    i missed you all even if i only been gone for almost 1 whole day lol
     
  7. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    Howdy?

    wish you well on this!

    Bye!

    Uguel :)
     
  8. Jooske

    Jooske Registered Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2002
    Posts:
    9,713
    Location:
    Netherlands, EU near the sea
    Blaze tech job? (just seeing in the other thread you got an invitatioon for a job interview so don't show them this repair job here)
     

    Attached Files:

  9. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    from Jooske
    I've never come upon that one yet but found that one I put below ;)

    Life Truths

    these aren't the newest of all but I like them:

    1. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

    2. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

    3. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

    4. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

    5. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

    6. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

    7. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

    8. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

    9. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

    10. If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

    11. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

    12. If the shoe fits...buy it in every color.

    13. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

    14. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

    15. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

    16. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

    17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

    18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

    19. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself

    Uguel :)
     

    Attached Files:

  10. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2003
    Posts:
    1,495
    Location:
    Sunny San Diego
    Loooooooooooooooooooooooool !

    But why *do* you *persist* in being cruel to fish?!

    :D :D :D
     
  11. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    Don't worry Dan!
    They'd never die! ;)
    They are all stored in my pc...
    you may see them coming back!




    Uguel :)
     

    Attached Files:

  12. Pieter_Arntz

    Pieter_Arntz Spyware Veteran

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2002
    Posts:
    13,491
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Had to look twice, but then almost had a "little accident" :D

    http://www.mslinux.org/
     
  13. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2003
    Posts:
    1,495
    Location:
    Sunny San Diego
    Loooooooooool !!!

    That *is* rich! :D

    Love the "topical" quotes there!

    :D
     
  14. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2003
    Posts:
    2,842
    Location:
    on the sofa
    :DUguel707 you around hmmm maybe i should tell more jokes and she wil come back
     
  15. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    Jokes? has somebody said jokes? Yes, those might help to keep me around but, on the other hand, I'm accumulating lots of material for jokes from my work in the classroom. And I am the target of most of them, but I can be pretty impish with the kids in return!
    It's all in good fun though...


    Uguel :D
     

    Attached Files:

  16. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    Some jokes picked recently...

    Yo Mama Jokes:


    Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

    Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

    Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

    Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

    Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

    Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

    Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

    Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

    Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

    Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

    Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

    Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

    Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

    Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

    Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

    Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

    **********************************************
    Computer Jokes
    A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character.

    Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence.

    The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common - they were both compulsive liars!

    **********************************************

    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

    In response to Mr. Gates' comments, General Motors issued the following press release (by Mr. Welch himself, the GM CEO) "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice daily.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

    4. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.

    6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by one "general car default" warning light.

    7. New seats would force everyone to have the same size bottom.

    8. The airbag system would say ("Are you sure?" before going off).

    9. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice department.

    11. Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    12. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

    **********************************************

    Cheers!

    Uguel
     

    Attached Files:

  17. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2003
    Posts:
    1,495
    Location:
    Sunny San Diego
    Looooool ! :D :D :D


    Okay!!

    Here is a (non-Wilders!) Request Form for computer support;

    ************************************

    Computer Problem Report Form

    1. Describe your problem:
    ________________________________
    ________________________________

    2. Now, describe the problem
    accurately:
    ________________________________
    ________________________________

    3. Speculate wildly about the cause
    of the problem:
    ________________________________
    ________________________________

    4. Problem Severity:
    A. Minor __
    B. Minor __
    C. Minor __
    D. Trivial __

    5. Nature of the problem:
    A. Locked Up __
    B. Frozen __
    C. Hung __
    D. Strange Smell __

    6. Is your computer plugged in?
    Yes __
    No __

    7. Is it turned on?
    Yes __
    No __

    8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?
    Yes __
    No __

    9. Have you made it worse?
    Yes __

    10. Have you had a friend who knows
    all about computers. Try to fix it
    for you?

    Yes __ No __

    11. Did they make it even worse?

    Yes __

    12. Have you read the manual?

    Yes __ No __

    13. Are you sure you've read the manual?

    Maybe __ No __

    14. Are you absolutely you've
    read the manual?

    No __

    15. If you read the manual, do you think
    you understood it?

    Yes __ No __

    16. If Yes, then explain why you can't
    fix the problem yourself.

    ________________________________
    ________________________________

    17. What were you doing with your computer
    at the time the problem occurred?

    ________________________________
    ________________________________

    l8. If you answered nothing, then explain
    why you were logged in?
    ________________________________
    ________________________________

    l9. Are you sure you aren't imagining
    the problem?

    Yes __ No __

    20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink
    12:00?

    Yes __ What's a VCR? __

    21. Do you have a copy of PCs for Dummies?

    Yes __ No __

    22. Do you have any independent witnesses
    to the problem?

    Yes __ No __

    23. Do you have any electronics products
    that DO work?

    Yes __ No __

    24. Is there anyone else you could blame
    this problem on?

    Yes __ No __

    25. Have you given the machine a good whack
    on the top?

    Yes __ No __

    26. Is the machine on fire?

    Yes __ Not Yet __

    27. Can you do something else instead of
    bothering me?

    Yes __
     
  18. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    Sure, those questions are very helpful ... :rolleyes:

    Uguel
     
  19. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2003
    Posts:
    2,842
    Location:
    on the sofa
    :DWERE YOU THINKING OF ME WHEN YOU MADETHAT QUIZ UP ABOUT PC LOL
     
  20. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2003
    Posts:
    1,495
    Location:
    Sunny San Diego
    Looooool ! :D

    I got it from Gateway's award-winning Customer Service site

    :D :D :D
     

    Attached Files:

  21. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2003
    Posts:
    1,495
    Location:
    Sunny San Diego
    Child-rearing in the Computer Age :D
     

    Attached Files:

  22. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
    If only life could be like a computer

    If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

    To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

    Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

    To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

    To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

    To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

    If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

    When you loose your car keys, click on find.

    "Help" with the chores is just a click away.

    Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.

    And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.


    Uguel :D
     
  23. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Posts:
    2,999
    Location:
    San Diego
  24. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2003
    Posts:
    1,495
    Location:
    Sunny San Diego
    I like the icon battle, Uguel!! ;)


    Here is another joke...


    Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support


    * "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

    * "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

    * "So -- what are you wearing?"

    * "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

    * "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

    * "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

    * "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

    * "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

    * "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

    * "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

    * "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

    :D
     
  25. Peaches4U

    Peaches4U Registered Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2002
    Posts:
    5,070
    Location:
    At my computer
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.