Have we been here yet ? TRUISMS ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn. If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cat. Strangers are friends you haven't bled for an easy twenty yet. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely. The best laid plans of mice and men are worth just as much. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, Just leave me alone. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It make the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down. If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I say if they've got itsy-bitsy feet or some kind of foot disease, I don't wanna know 'em! Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar... Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business. A man's best friend is his dog. That's assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper. If they lined up all the men in the world ... it would be one goofy line. If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life miserable for a week or two first. Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny. Last night I was in the mood to see something silly and idiotic on TV. So I put the cat there. I don't know about art, but I know what makes me say, "$2000 for that piece of junk?! Are you nuts?!" Somewhere, over the rainbow ... that's where the airline will find my luggage. (^_^) It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel... it's cheaper than plastic surgery. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land. I've found a sure way to relieve office stress: Step 1: take a deep breath. Step 2: count to 10. Step 3: set the boss's wastebasket on fire. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and, sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.