A Farmhand working on a Combine Harvester accidentally falls into the machinery, gets chopped to bits and thrown in all directions over the field. His wife, wondering why he hasn't come home for his Dinner, and fearing the worst, calls the police and Ambulance....after a long search in the field, an Ambulance man finds this head, holding it up by the hair, he shouts to the wife "Is this him" and she replies "No, he's taller than that"........... Cochise.
Blonde enters a store that sell curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains. The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains she needed. The blond replies "fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blond tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "but, Miss, computers do not have curtains!" The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
hope i do not get into hot water over this one ,, devil made me post it. A guy comes into a coffee shop and places his order. He says: "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards." The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen and says to the cook. "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this is an auto parts store?" "No" the cook says "Three flats tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards is 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh," says the waitress. The waitress thinks about this and then she spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer. The guy says, "What are the beans for?" The waitress replies, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might want to gas up."
Two assassins hiding in ditches each side of the road waiting for their victim to drive by.......after an hour has passed one assassin walks over the road and says to the other "He should have been here by now, I hope nothings happened to him".......... Cochise,
----- This is a true story ... . An elderly Florida lady in Sarasota did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" the four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the Police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. AH, SENIOR MOMENTS
Two Hippos upto their ears in a mud-hole.......one turns to the other and says " I don't know why but I keep thinking it's Thursday"........ Cochise,
