If we bought cars like we do software

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by toploader, Aug 27, 2005.

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  1. toploader

    toploader Registered Member

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    Good day sir here is your band new car i hope you enjoy it.

    vroom vroom chug chug

    oh no the steering wheel has come off in my hand!! CRASH!!!!

    ah yes sir that's a bug in version one of the car but we should have it fixed in 1.1

    chug chug on no the near side wheel has fallen off!! CRASH!!!!

    some users have reported that sir - next time it happens can you send us a window screen shot?

    chug chug what the?? i can't turn left only righto_O CRASH!!!!

    you want to turn left sir?? well that's an unsual request - there's nothing wrong with the car i assure you - no one else has put in a request for left turns - we might consider it as a new feature in later releases.
     
  2. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

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    I can certainly relate to the crash part!

    Wheeling in West Virginia, Crumpled ed
     
  3. 584753w

    584753w Guest

    buy a Mac truck
     
  4. toploader

    toploader Registered Member

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    keep that airbag deployed Ed ;)
     

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  5. toploader

    toploader Registered Member

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    i want one :D
     

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  6. mercurie

    mercurie A Friendly Creature

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    LOL :D And now let's talk about the warranty....I mean those EULA No matter what happens it's all your fault and you can not modify a thing to help make it better or even work to bad SOL. :p :D
     
  7. Notok

    Notok Registered Member

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    :D :D

     
  8. toploader

    toploader Registered Member

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    yes Mercurie - really fills me full of confidence when i install a new bit of software and it says - warning if this software trashes your machine it's nothing to with us - you are on your own :D
     
  9. toploader

    toploader Registered Member

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    thanks Notok that gave me a good laugh :D :D

    you know it's just a matter of time before computers take over from humans when it comes to driving cars....

    there you are sir you don't need to do a thing just sit in the back and our new infallible software will turn on the engine, plot a course and steer the car. this is version one of the software any problems just press the big red button on the dash - happy motoring....
     

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  10. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    Typical Software Installation

    1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It should look something like this:

    SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
    2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER
    628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
    719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
    3546 MB RAM
    432323 MB ROM
    2353700 MB RPM
    ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
    2 TURTLE DOVES

    NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.

    2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.

    3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:

    LICENSING AGREEMENT:

    By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the UN Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early light, finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.

    4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."

    5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

    6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.

    7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

    8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for a while, after which the following message should appear on your screen:

    The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:

    A. YES
    B. SURE

    9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."

    10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:

    CONGRATULATIONS

    The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software. If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should immediately *!@!$)$ %@&*^) $*!#$_$*^&

    11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.

    12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12
     
  11. toploader

    toploader Registered Member

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    cheers BigC :D - you know it must be a laugh a minute working on a technical help line.

    brnng brnng - hello superdoopa systems - hi i just installed your software....YOU DID WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?! HA HA - HEY WALT - i've got some guy on the line who installed our software HA HA - oh stop it Jim that's the third one today - don't they read the terms and conditions? - installing this software on your machine invalidates the warranty. HA HA
     
  12. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    installing this software on your machine invalidates the warranty. HA HA[/QUOTE]


    you must have read the EULA on the last software I bought :D
     
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