wow everyone is awesome! thanks so much for all the kind words and open arms in coming back. def going to try to be on as much as i can. osaban is totally correct sometimes we go through life only thinking about the things we do daily and if the computer is working perfectly, or the car running as well as it can be, issues with the house (we also just got hit by irma and lost a good part of our roof so yeah add to the year lol) etc etc when we dont say hmm how am i am today. i almost never worry about me i always am looking at everyone else and trying to help them where i can. but at some point you do need to stop and ask yourself are i okay, am i healthy etc. it was a super hard lesson for me since im not like that but its something one has to do or they will not be here to help all those other people they want to.