Aphorisms

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Marianna, Feb 4, 2004.

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  1. Marianna

    Marianna Spyware Fighter

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2002
    Posts:
    1,215
    Location:
    B.C. Canada
    1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
    impressive
    new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

    2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

    3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects
    you
    to kiss his ring.

    4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

    5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
    bathroom.

    6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the
    drink
    spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

    7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
    there's shipping and handling, too.

    8. A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the
    impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

    9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a
    large
    trash can.

    10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me
    off.
    I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

    11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for
    Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned
    building.

    12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he
    was
    and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him
    rabies
    could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will?
    What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"

    13. Definition of a teen-ager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

    14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point
    the
    wrong way.

    15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
    clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up
    in
    the first place!

    16. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky
    dunk."

    17. The early bird still has to eat worms.

    18. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

    19. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
    the
    difference.

    20. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
    simply
    press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

    21. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you
    haven't
    fallen asleep yet.

    22. My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she
    said.

    23. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

    24. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they
    can
    in prison?

    25. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
    started
    with something called labor.

    26. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

    :rolleyes:
     
  2. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Posts:
    2,549
    Location:
    North Thoresby Lincs Good Olde England
    Yeah! And whilst we are on the subject,

    "Why don't Masochists get a fair crack of the Whip?"

    Cochise, :cool:
     
  3. HandsOff

    HandsOff Registered Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2003
    Posts:
    1,946
    Location:
    Bay Area, California
    i would like to add:

    "the light at the end of the tunnel is on the wrong side!"
     
  4. MikeBCda

    MikeBCda Registered Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Posts:
    1,627
    Location:
    southern Ont. Canada
    Actually, with my luck, the light at the end of the tunnel is probably a train coming at me. :D
     
  5. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2003
    Posts:
    23,873
    Location:
    SW. Oklahoma
    Mike I fully agree with you,That da#n train has been chasing me for years. ;)
     
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