Ya Might Be a Redneck, if.......

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Marja, Jan 20, 2005.

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  1. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Just some down home humor, not meant to be derogatory, we all do some of these things!! :D

    Marja:cool:
     

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  2. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Actually I just found some funny pix and wanted to share them!!:D
     

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  3. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Awww yeah, horse shoes!! A good game, here is a fan of another game!!
     

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  4. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Before I go............a small blonde joke?
     

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  5. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    A bad bar Joke??
     

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  6. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Uh-OOH!! Gulp!! Time to hit the road!!!!! Hope the traffic is light!!!:eek: :eek:
     

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  7. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Is this considered an emergency?? Cuz I got my redneck fire extinguisher!!
     

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  8. BeetleBoss

    BeetleBoss She who posts lots of <I>Smileys</I>

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  9. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    maybe i could make a ringer with those :D :D :D
     
  10. nadirah

    nadirah Registered Member

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    LOL!!! :D
     
  11. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    Hi Marja
    some etiquette for rednecks :D

    Martha Stewart's tips for rednecks
    1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
    2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
    4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

    DINING OUT
    1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
    2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

    ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
    2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table...no matter how good his manners are.

    PERSONAL HYGIENE
    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
    2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
    3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
    DATING (Outside the Family)
    1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
    2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

    THEATER ETIQUETTE
    1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
    2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

    WEDDINGS
    1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
    2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
    4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE
    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
    5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
     
  12. BeetleBoss

    BeetleBoss She who posts lots of <I>Smileys</I>

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  13. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Hey!! I need that book!! :D
     
  14. snowbound

    snowbound Retired Moderator

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    u participated in any of this over the weekend,

    http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/3742526

    What are some of the sports featured at the Redneck Games? How about the Mudpit Belly Flop? Or the Armpit Serenade? And then there's the self-explanatory Butt Crack Competition.


    snowbound
     

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  15. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    ...in conclusion a few words from the sponsor........YOU Too Can Be A Plumber!!
     

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  16. Dalek

    Dalek Registered Member

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    LOL :D That actually looks like some one I used to know.


    (slightly insane Leafs Fan) it's only been 38 Years, well at least I don't root for the Blackhawks. :p
     
  17. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

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    Okay Marj,

    Time to come in out of the sun. Your neck is getting a little pinkish. Have a Brewski and take your nappie. You can go out and play again tomorrow!

    Play on, big ed
     
  18. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    LOL! DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THE TOON HAD YOUR NAME ON IT?!? :eek::D
     
  19. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

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    Well, Marj ole pal, I didn't notice either til you mentioned it. I always like to show my best profile!! Need a shave though!!

    Hangin out, big ed

    PS.... For God's sake.....don't let Bucky or Chise see this or I'll never hear the end (sic) of it!!!
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2005
  20. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    GOOD! CAN I GO BACK OUT AND PLAY NOW?!

    YOU COULD PROBABLY BORROW COCHISE' SCALPIN KNIFE?! BETTER BE CAREFUL THO! :D
     
  21. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

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    I edited my last post as I fear the consequences!!
     
  22. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    LOL! TOO LATE, BET BS WILL ALERT THEM IF THEY DON'T SEE IT FIRST! YOU ARE DOOMED BIG ED! DOOMED I TELL YA!
     
  23. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    MAYBE NURSE ROTUNDA WILL HIDE YA OUT FOR A WHILE UNTIL THE PLUMBER'S CONVENTION IS OVER?
     
  24. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

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    NO YOU CAN'T......Proper ladies do not go out after dark. They sit in the front Parlor and crochet doilies or knit kitty cat sweaters. Don't make me tell you again!!
     
  25. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

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    Why oh why did I have to go and dis BS a short while ago. I am freakin doomed. Oh, the humanity!! Nurse Rotunda was punishment enough! But I'm tough.....so long as they don't tickle me.

    Rats, big ed
     
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