Wanna come visit Canada?

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by MikeBCda, Mar 2, 2005.

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  1. MikeBCda

    MikeBCda Registered Member

    Jan 5, 2004
    southern Ont. Canada
    Thanks to Cloverberry over at TBI-Home for this collection.

    Now that Vancouver has won the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions that people the world over are asking. These questions about Canada were REALLY posted on an International Tourism Website!

    Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

    A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

    A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles; take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed beaver. (Italy)

    A: Let's not touch this one.

    Q: Are there any ATMs in Canada? Can you send me list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton & Halifax? (UK)

    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your north. Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, just after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

    A: No, we don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

    A: Only at Thanksgiving.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

    A: It's called a moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R & R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, B.C. Can you help? (USA)

    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

    A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
  2. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

    Mar 8, 2004
    In the Vast Fields of My Mind
    ROFL!! LOL!! That is so funny and well, sad at the same time!! Where or how or what! have these people been doing for their whole life??

    I love the answers where you just gave up and said "OK, come on Tuesdays, naked."

    Be on the look-out!! LOL!!

  3. dog

    dog Guest

    Extremely Funny Mike ... I laughed by @55 off :D ... It sounds like a couple of smart@55e5 I know, fielding those questions. There certainly would be a few candidates here (Wilders') that would be capable of such sarcasm. :)


  4. bigbuck

    bigbuck Registered Member

    Jul 7, 2004
    Qld, Aus
  5. MikeBCda

    MikeBCda Registered Member

    Jan 5, 2004
    southern Ont. Canada
    My condolences to anyone who made it to the hippo races last night (oops, yes, and don't forget the Boys' Choir) and is still following the railroad tracks back. Kinda cold up this way lately.
  6. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    Sep 21, 2003
    SW. Oklahoma
    That is a crack up, very funny

  7. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

    Aug 12, 2003
    Ye Olde New England
    Yo Mike,

    Been to Canada many times. Love Canada! Have been turned back at the border only once. Great food, entertainment, and used to have Hockey Teams. All Canadians have great respect for the father of their country, Wayne Gretsky.

    Play on, big ed
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