Came across this on my HD today. I might have been slightly tipsy when I wrote it; anyhow, I present it here for your amusement. Like any other lady, Ubuntu doesn't like to be tweaked in the wrong manner. Treat her roughly if you must but make sure you know what you're doing. Rubbing her up the wrong way will get you nowhere. You have to know how to touch her, where, when, how and how much. She'll positively purr if you do it right and go out of her way to please you but if she finds that you don't know what you're doing, she'll bare her claws and though true passion can mollify her some what, she'll bite and scratch and kick and gouge until her lover learns to pleasure her. This only serves to increase the ardour of some, though others are disappointed. Lacking the manly qualities which she craves, they slink away dispirited. Never entering into her chamber again, they content themselves with a lesser mistress. They protest loudly in the forums of the world and complain that she has treated them badly and behaved in a scandalous way. 'She refuses to act like other girls,' they say, as if this were a bad thing. They whine and criticize and state that she is not ready for civilised society, all the while knowing that they can never boogie with her rivals without catching something nasty, at least unless they wear something with which to protect themselves. They clamour and squawk and compare her to others, not knowing that she is peerless. They deplore the wanton ways in which she breaks the rules and leaves them in a tizzy. The blogs are full of grown men having hissy fits about her. It's true, that the lady has her own way of doing things and for those who learn to love her, she becomes a delight, a pleasure and a life long companion. Vive la differance!