Time's Up, Einstein

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by ronjor, May 26, 2005.

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  1. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    An Extremely Brief History of Time

    1687: Isaac Newton

    The universe has one absolute clock:
    • Time and space are independant of the observer.
    • Time's arrow points forward; events move ahead from the now.

    1905: Albert Einstein

    every observer has his or her own (accurate) clock:
    • The universe exists in a space-time manifold.
    • Everyone's "now" is different.
    • Acceleration affects time.

    2003: Peter Lynds

    There is no clock; "time" is an illusion
    • Time has no indivisible unit.
    • There is no "now," only sequences of events

    Wired
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2005
  2. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    WELL, I THINK A SEQUENCE OF EVENTS.....EACH EVENT IS NOW, SO I DISAGREE, THERE IS ONLY........ NOW!

    :cool::D
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2005
  3. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    Each event is in the past as we speak. Including now.
     
  4. Primrose

    Primrose Registered Member

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    In today's world some events are LOST in time. :D

    A lady died this past December, and Citibank billed her in January and February for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 and now it is somewhere around $60.00. A call was placed to Citibank:

    Caller: "I am calling to tell you that she died in December."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

    Caller: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

    Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

    Caller: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead."

    Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

    Caller: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

    Citibank: "Excuse me?"

    Caller: "Did you just get what I was telling you--What part about her being dead don't you understand?"

    Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

    Supervisor gets on the phone:

    Caller: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in December."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

    Caller: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

    Citibank: (Stammer). "Are you her lawyer?"

    Caller: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

    Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

    Caller: "Sure." (Fax number is given)

    After they get the fax:

    Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

    Caller: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

    Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

    Caller: "Would you like her new billing address?"

    Citibank: "That might help."

    Caller: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 129, plot number 69."

    Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

    Caller: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
     
  5. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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  6. Primrose

    Primrose Registered Member

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    That poor guy needed a good book to read about Lawyer's who are not sure when their time is UP.. :D



    These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and

    are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and

    now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm

    while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    _______________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

    ______________________________



    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

    WITNESS: July 18th.

    ATTORNEY: What year?

    WITNESS: Every year.

    _____________________________________



    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    WITNESS: I forget.

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

    forgot?

    _____________________________________



    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

    WITNESS: Forty-five years.

    _____________________________________



    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

    morning?

    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

    WITNESS: My name is Susan.

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in

    voodoo?

    WITNESS: We both do.

    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

    WITNESS: We do.

    ATTORNEY: You do?

    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ___________________________________



    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...

    ________________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS: Uh....

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death.

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on

    dead people?

    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you

    go to?

    WITNESS: Oral.

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was

    doing an autopsy on him!

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Huh?

    ______________________________________



    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check

    for a pulse?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when

    you began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

    practicing law.
     
  7. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Not going for it! There has to be a NOW, before there can be a THEN!

    That's my story and I'm sticking to it! :p
     
  8. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    It makes you wonder how lawyers pass the bar at allo_O
     
  9. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    NOPE! Not leavin myself for you, Primrose!

    They DON'T PASS THE BAR- THAT'S THE PROBLEM! AM I RIGHT, YOU WERE THINKIN THAT, RIGHT? LOL!
     
  10. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    FORGET IT! IT'S ALL IN THE PAST, ANYWAY! LOL!
     
  11. Primrose

    Primrose Registered Member

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    It never happend if you were not here :D
     

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  12. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    What was Einsteins Theory about the Time Continuum, the Speed of Light and Relativity with regard to Cats??.....Answer me that??.........





    You don't know do you??........






    Well if you sit up straight and pay attention I will tell you...........







    MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.............


    Noise made by cat at the speed of light.........




    Cochise, :cool:
     
  13. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    I KNEW THAT,COCHISE!! I WAS JUST TESTING YOU!

    THANKS FOR THE CUTE KITTY, PRIMROSE, REALLY CUTE KITTY! STOLE EM TOO!:D
     
  14. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    That noise made by a cat is known as the 'Doppler' effect named after Arnold P. Doppler who discovered it after being hit by a Train, from then on he always managed to remember if something was 'going' or 'coming' by it's sound. Sadly, he was killed in 1881 whilst crossing the road in Memphis by the first 'Silent' Electric Automobile built by Charles D. Engine.....who later built the first car engine which was named after him and called the 'Engine'...

    Is it Yesterday yet??...........


    Cochise, :cool:
     
  15. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    The reason I knew the answer to the speed of light and cats?


    This is a good example of how fast cats are!

    This one is in and out the door before you can even blink!

    In fact he is so fast it's already two days from the time the guy opened the door......how bout that!


     

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  16. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    SEE! SO FAST YOU DON'T EVEN SEE HIM MOVE!!! THAT CAT'S FAST!
     
  17. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    ACCORDING TO RONJOR, YESTERDAY IS SATURDAY OR SUMTHIN??
     
  18. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    This ADD stuff is EVERYWHERE! :D
     
  19. Primrose

    Primrose Registered Member

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  20. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    YEAH, RONJOR, IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME!!
     

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  21. dog

    dog Guest

    Oh Primrose .... You KILL ME! :D (post 4 & 6)

    ~Laughing toO hard to comment any further~
     
  22. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THINK THAT MIGHT HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED HERE!
     

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  23. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THEY SHOULD HAVE SAID 'LAWYERS CROSSING'! OOP! :eek:
     
  24. Primrose

    Primrose Registered Member

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  25. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    SOME PEOPLE JUST NEVER KNOW WHEN TO QUIT! (LIKE ME!:D)
     

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