Need Decent One Liners Please

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by MICRO, Sep 7, 2004.

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  1. MICRO

    MICRO Registered Member

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    In the beginning there was nothing - Then god said,
    'Let there be light' - and there was still nothing
    - but at least you could see it.

    An idle mind is the best way to relax.

    Regards.
     
  2. Peaches4U

    Peaches4U Registered Member

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    "No God - No Peace? Know God - Know Peace."
     
  3. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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  4. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    you know your living a sad life when a nyphomaniac tells you"lets just be friends"
     
  5. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    a pig that knows karate is called a pork chop
     
  6. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    A mind in thought with no IQ is still in neutral
     
  7. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    you can hold a conversation without ever touching it
     
  8. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    you can buy four suits for a dollar if you buy a deck of cards
     
  9. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
     
  10. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    If your feet hurt make sure your shoes are on the right feet.
     
  11. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    You know you are over-the-hill when you're just too tired to climb one!
     
  12. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    a piano has alot of keys but will never open a door
     
  13. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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  14. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
     
  15. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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  16. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"--Henny Youngman
     
  17. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo you get Big Holes All Over Australia
     
  18. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
     
  19. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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  20. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    A bum came up to me saying "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"--Henny Youngman
     
  21. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
     
  22. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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  23. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    Why do men die before their wives? They want to.--Henny Youngman
     
  24. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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  25. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered "Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz." The man says, "Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "I'm sorry, he's on vacation." "Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "He's on a big case, not available for a week." "Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "He's playing golf today." "Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "Speaking."--Henny Youngman
     
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