Men Strike Back!!

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by musicman, Dec 29, 2003.

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  1. musicman

    musicman Registered Member

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    Subject: Men strike back!

    For Those Who Can Handle The Truth!!!!!!!

    Men strike back!

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

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    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
    be able to support you.

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    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
    the kitchen sink.

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    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

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    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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    Why do men break wind more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

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    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
    door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.

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    I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.

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    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.

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    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
    bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

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    Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who
    can handle the truth...
     
  2. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    This is how it all started

    for better or for worse

    One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
    "What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
    "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
    "Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
    "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
    "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
    "What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
    "This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
    "Sounds great."
    "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
    "How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
    "She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
    Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib
     
  3. Blackspear

    Blackspear Global Moderator

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    Location:
    Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
    12 Things Women Should Know

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it is up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    2. Ask for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t work. Strong hints don’t work. Really obvious hints don’t work. Just say it!

    3. Going to the toilet standing up is far more difficult, we are bound to miss sometimes.

    4. Most men own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we would be any good at choosing which pair out of 30, would look good with your dress?

    5. If we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.

    6. A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    7. It is in neither, your best interest, or ours, to fill in a women’s magazine survey together.

    8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

    9. If something we said can be interpreted 2 ways, and 1 of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.

    10. All men see in 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, NOT a colour.

    11. If it itches, it will be scratched. If there is a build up of pressure, gases will be released…and yes, it is REALLY amusing.

    12. Beer is as exciting for us, as handbags are for you.
     
  4. Paul Wilders

    Paul Wilders Administrator

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    The Netherlands
    You male chauvinst pigs ;)

    musicman, I'll take it this is merely intended as a friendly sort of sarcasm towards women - we are not inthe habit of harassing females over on thisboard - on the contrary: it's very refreshing to have them aboard.

    Try giving birth to a baby once - we men most probably won't survive. It's for good reasons females are actually the strongest of sexes; we males are in principle plain jaleous. Hence your initial post? :D

    regards.

    paul
     
  5. Blackspear

    Blackspear Global Moderator

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    And PROUD of it :D ;) :D ;) :D ;)
     
  6. Paul Wilders

    Paul Wilders Administrator

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    Oh well...no comment :D

    regards.

    paul
     
  7. beetlejuice

    beetlejuice Registered Member

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    Posts:
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    Now Playing at a Forum Board Near You


    The story of 4 unfortunate men--no--very unfortunate men who obviously only have one problem--They haven't learned when to keep their mouths shut!!
    Get ready for action, thrills, blood and gore---in

    Death Wish 5
     
  8. Acadia

    Acadia Registered Member

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    When God created Man, She was only kidding!

    Acadia
     
  9. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    North Thoresby Lincs Good Olde England
    Errrrrr! Looks to me like DEEP, DEEP Fall-out Shelter time again Detox, sorry for trashing your Bolt-hole but please may I have my key back? I promise to sit quietly in a corner with my arms folded and not say a word until this pending Disaster blows over. :blink:

    Pretty Please.

    Very Worried, Cochise, :cool: :eek:
     
  10. Paul Wilders

    Paul Wilders Administrator

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    I'm glad to see women joining in and counterpunch :cool:

    I've received one complaint concerning the initial post, in essence stating this kind of posts are putting down females. I've tried to put things in perspective (see my first response above). This is a twilight zone IMO. Personally, I would never have posted this way. That said: I do believe the thread starter had no vicious intend in any way.

    Let's not start the war between sexes all over again, ladies & gents ;) Let's keep it in a humerous way - as intended in the first place.

    And for what it's worth: I'm on the female side here :D

    regards.

    paul
     
  11. Peaches4U

    Peaches4U Registered Member

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    As a female who looks upon a joke for what it is, I have read the above posts with a smile & no offense taken given that there are a lot of guy put down jokes also. If taken in the spirit it was intended, there should be no offense taken regardless of gender. So, now it's my turn guys ..... did any of you really believe that you would not be challenged in good fun? :D :D :D

    Hubby Pie

    Can be prepared 20 years ahead.

    Ingredients:

    Crust:
    1 hard-skinned hubby
    1 comfortable sofa

    Filling:
    1 TV remote control
    6 pack of coke or beer
    1 packet chips (crisps)
    1 family size pizza
    1 large serve nacho
    1 melted cheese sandwich
    15 years patience
    lifetime of loving care
    1 ounce of resignation

    Method

    Cram one thick-skinned hubby into a well worn
    greased and comfortable sofa and leave to set
    (probably will take length of one sport show),
    remove from family room and bring to kitchen
    to finish filling.

    Mix TV remote control, chip packet, pizza, hot-dog,
    nachos and cheese sandwich on a large tray.
    Add six pack of coke or beer slowly (to avoid excess gas),
    bind with a lot of patience, loving care and resignation.
    Be careful to place hubby and filling carefully back in
    front of the TV so as not to disturb the view of the
    screen and leave to solidify indefinitely.

    Head back to your computer and have a marvelous
    time chatting with your online friends UNDISTURBED!!!
    (Or, go SHOPPING!)
     
  12. GoonMan

    GoonMan Registered Member

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    Location:
    Louisiana, USA
    No Comment. :D :D :D
     
  13. Blackspear

    Blackspear Global Moderator

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    LOL :D

    Adding to the humor, I submit the following:

    IT’S TOUGH BEING A MAN

    If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

    If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

    If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

    If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

    If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

    If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your backside and find something better.

    If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism.

    If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

    If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

    If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

    If you cry, you're a wimp.

    If you don't, you're an insensitive pig.

    If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

    If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

    If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

    If she asks you, it's a favour.

    If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.

    If you don't, you're gay.

    If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

    If you don't, you're unromantic.

    If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

    If you don't, you're a slob.

    If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

    If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

    If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.

    If you don't, you're not ambitious.

    If she has a headache, she's tired.

    If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

    If you want it too often, you're oversexed.

    If you don't, there must be someone else.

    NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN! THEY WANT TO!!! :D :D :D

    Cheers :D
     
  14. beetlejuice

    beetlejuice Registered Member

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    Bravo Peaches! :D Have you got the time to give my wife lessons? o_O Everything except for the shopping would be fine. Unless she's buying me gifts of course. :D
     
  15. Paul Wilders

    Paul Wilders Administrator

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    This thread is turning into some kind of endless loop, ladies and gents ;)

    Seems both sides have expressed their "opinion" ;) quite outspoken. Since there's nothing new to add, I'm closing this thread - no offense intended.

    regards.

    paul
     
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