I've got something to say...

Hi Guys,

Some of you may have noticed that I might be apologising too much, or just plain 'worrying' too much...you get what I mean

There is a reason behind this, one that has left a mark on me.

You see, till the September of 2003, I was a very normal kid, with normal friends and good studies.

But when the September of 2003 came, my life was changed somewhat. During that time, our class' seating arrangement was in a 'one boy, one girl' manner, i.e on one desk, one boy and one girl would sit.

I discovered that many of my friends (all boys of course, I've got very little female friends), were talking very vulgar things about the girl who used to sit with me. And by saying 'vulgar' I mean that they were saying things about her body figure and various other things which I would not like to talk about.

One of these friends of mine, who was also a friend of hers (and a very close one of that), showed a very deep interest in these vulgarities about that girl, talking about it wherever we went.

I didn't like this one bit, and so I left their band and told the girl what those guys were talking about.

Those guys got their lesson, with a sound scolding from the girl's parents.

However, after this incident, I felt a deep backlash of my personality. The reason for this was that the guys who were originally talking about that girl started spreading word around. As most of the boys in my school aged 11 and above are spoilt like this, I am now hated in my class as the boys fear I'll report them.

Throughout this academic year of the eight grade, I have been ignored, hated and made to feel very bad.

After the September 2003 incident, I am known by these names amongst most boys of my school:

1)Betrayer (used to be their friend till I found out what they were talking about and told the girl)
2)Girl impressor (you'd understand, they think I told the girl about the things they were talkin' about in order to impress her)

3)Fat idiot
4)Untrustworthy
5)Moreover, they are spreading the word fast that this girl and I have a relationship and all....you know, spoilt kid talk and all.

It feels real bad at school due to all of these rumours (above) put up by those guys whose names I told to the girl. It feels miserable.

I never EVER want any of this to happen outside my colony, or inside Wilders'.

Thats why I worry too much about hurting people.
Thats why I worry that others should never feel the way I do.
Thats why I keep asking people whether the things I wrote hurt them.

And its even more so now...yesterday was my school excursion, and there, I was screamed at by many boys and girls because I told my teachers that they were jumping and playing on national property which should not be touched (there was an old 1970s plane and a transport truck for the army).

Especially three girls in my class...keep firing me everytime. Because I followed the rules. Because I made some small jokes which weren't even about them. Because I make statements which they find difficult to understand. And they openly admit that.

They did this at Teacher's day, they did this at the New Year Party, they did this yesterday.

Everytime I complained to my teachers, and the best they did was say that they'll look into it, which they never did.

Why, my class teacher went to the extent of telling me that my knowledge with computers is a waste of time and appreciates all the others for being good in art, dance, drama, you name it...but not me for being good with computers (when I asked her, she said "What can I do"?)

I feel miserable every day when I go to school. No one's prepared to listen to me. You must know how any kid must feel when living under these circumstances.

Normally, when such things happen (i.e. most of the time), I have two options:

1)Feel sorry and think it was my mistake
2)Feel angry and start flaming others for it

And my parents...sigh, as good people as they are, they cant improve the situation any because the students are always gonna say something behind my back no matter what.

This is why I keep feeling unsure and think low of myself.

And the only moments when I keep a happy smiling face are when I sit down on my PC and play a game or be here at the forums.

I know many of you are Smart Alecs. Could any of you help me here please?

Regards,
Firecat

 

Sorry I don't have any immediate answers for you, but have you talked to the school counselor? Your school should have one, and this is the kind of thing that they're there for.

It seems like you've got some strong principles, just stand by them and don't let them deter you from them. And don't ever let anyone convince you that learning computers is a waste of time. Computers are being used more all the time, there will always be a demand for knowledgable people.

 

Well that is tough FC.

What I would suggest to you is ...

Always take up any issues you have with anyone with that person first. You have to explain your feelings and concerns person to person. Generally, that is the "code" between friends & co-workers etc. ... otherwise there isn't much of a basis for respect or trust. If you don't like the actions of someone, and you speak with them about it and if they continue those actions, simply disassociate yourself from them. For minor things (use your judgement) it's better to just turn a blind eye to them, or walk away ... rather than reporting them to a higher authority. This of course doesn't apply to serious issues, you really do need to use your judgement and give it thought before acting on things.

Don't worry too much about your current circumstances, it will change eventually. But you will have to modify your current method of dealing with things ... Remember to always do it person to person first.

Hope that helps

Steve

 

You only go through this life one time so you try to make it right the first try because there is no way to back up and start over. You seem to have decent principals and if others don't appreciate it or try to belittle you for your interest's I would just ignore their small minded ways and push ahead to obtain the goals you have set for your self. And if they don't like it tell them that they should worry about themselfs and not someone else that already knows what is important, and that gossip and childish name calling is definitely not the way to go.


Just my opinion
bigc

 

Firecat - I think what you are feeling is totally normal, you are allowed to feel the way you do. I can tell these " friends " you talk about are feeding you there own poison.
I will tell you what works for me a bit at a time, No crash courses here.

Answer these few:

What you have posted, these are your issues at the moment. Do you think that's correct?

I figure you answered yes.

So if that's true, what these " friends " of yours are saying about you or anyone else are there own issues. Would I be right ?

See what people say are what they are dealing with. Think about these " friends " and ask this:

These are the five points you made about them, the wat I see it.

Have any of them betrayed? I'm sure they would have and still are!! What are they doing to you?? Betraying you of course!! All because they are jealous of who you're sitting with. Probably because they think you get along with her better then them.
There is nothing wrong with impressing a girl to some extent. Just don't over do it!!

Could one of them be fat?? OR do they think they're all supermodels?? ha ha

Obviously, they are not worth trusting, if they dumped you that fast.

Most probably NONE of these friends have a girlfriend? Is that right?

All of us only see what we see in ourselves.

I don't want to sound like a shrink here you know, I'm too funny for that so lay back and be proud of who YOU are. Because what other people think of you is none of your business

 

Some very sound advice given thus far. The Wildman's 2nd grade grand daughter had a little awards program at her school just yesterday (Grammie an Grandpa go to these functions). The kids have to learn a new word each day. The word for yesterday was "Integrity". My friend it sounds as if you just may know what this means, sounds however as if others around you have no clue as to it's meaning. They are the worse because they don't know what the word means, you on the other hand are much enriched because you do. If these individuals act in the way you indicate, you are better off not having their association. True friends don't act in the manner you described.
I will tell you also, I kind of think you may have a few friends here at Wilders.

Thanks
wildman

 

Hi FC .
Dog gives some really good advice . IMHO . And , may I suggest you look for BlackSpear and read at the bottom of his profile .

 

well, i admire your courage. when i was your age, i would have kept my mouth shut. however, now as an adult, i've been known to be a bit more vocal.

two things you said in your post that i wanted to give some advice on. the first is about feeling angry and flaming others. i'm one of the best at this, but i gotta tell you, hatred truly is something you need to let go of. no mattrer what, we all need to move on. of course i dunno how to let go of hatred, but it's not something you want to carry on into your adult life and pass onto your kids.

another thing you said was that you feel unsure and low of yourself. if you think low of yourself, why should anyone else feel any different? be strong! don't ever stop standing up for yourself. remember...... that which does not kill you, can only make you stronger.

i wish you the best of luck.

 

My 2 cents worth....
What is happening is Bullying. Plain and simple. It is not tolerated these days in schools and it is not tolerated in the workplace. Your school should have avenues in place for this. Secondly, and more importantly.....these people rely on getting a response/reaction. You feed them when you react. It's extremely difficult to do, but 'ignore' them and show them nothing. It soon removes all the 'entertainment value' from what they are doing. In my experience, these bullies operate well within 'packs'....on their own (without their backup) that is often a different story . Chin up!
B.

 

Sounds like you have gotten some good advice!! READ IT!

It's hard to believe, but, one day this will ALL be over, if you have kept to your principles and 'ignored' the bullies, you will find a different group in high school, one who probably has went through the same experiences as you and will want to be YOUR friend not theirs!

In the meantime, learn as much as you can, computers are NOT going away, though some teachers would like that, so keep learning.

Find a forum with kids your own age, (you can still come tell us what that's like )their are other kids who are just as intelligent, with strong principals, with the same interest in computers - that way you are ahead of your group. Because, you will already be talking to the people who will help make the world what it will be, you will find life long friends, and you will understand the jokes! Cuz, ours are pretty silly to kids!

Hope that helps a little! Take Care!
(Surely someone knows of a kids/pre-teens "forum", if not there should be one!!)

Marja

 

Hi Cat, it looks to me that you are pretty much being ignored by those teachers also, right? Sometimes complaining will do no good and will only make your situation more sucky! Sometimes all peeps know are bullying tactics, because they have no other talents or creativity, and will have none in this life.

You can turn the tables on them and show them what you are made of. Go out for band or chorus. Choose a sport and learn to excell in it. Computers are great, but there are also other things in life. Sometimes you just have to work at social acceptance just like you do at becoming skilled at the puter.

Have you watched "Napoleon Dynamite" yet? Geeeesh, I think you will like it.

Always keep this in the back of your mind - It is those computer geeky guys who seem to be getting the babes that are worth having.

Hang in there.

Carolina

 

I am waiting for the next obvious question!

 

Would Carolina really be happy in a kids/pre-teen forum?

Quite possibly!

 

The Wildman had to come back again, cause the Mrs. Wildman asked me to pass on this bit of advice. To the individuals who spurn you now, some day you will be able to say, as you ride around in your Masarati, drink the finest wine, eat the finest food, travel on you own plane an have more money than ole Billy Gates, "Guys, I was available as your friend back in school, but you turned down the change, now I have classy ladies who I date". Just some more possibilities.

An just because you may not have known, Do you really think that the "Wildman" has not put his foot in his mouth a time or two? Do you have any idea of the number of individuals whom I have ticked off over the years? Devil knows that I am opinionated, blunt an rough around the edges, but my friend I have absolutely no intention of changing, and neither should you.

Thanks
wildman

 

CarolinaMoonShine, (How could I forget that?)

Nope, the babe question, curious that no one questioned it!

 

Oh - DO COMPUTER GEEKS GET THE BABES WORTH HAVING?

Most asuredly, YES! Don't they?

Any girl worth her salt will eventually ask that geeky man for help.
And I am totally helpless when it comes to this machine that stares back at me.

 

Hey guys,

I'd like to thank all of you for the advice, its really made me feel a whole lot better. Unfortunately, a pre-teen forum is out of the question as there's 6 days remaining for me to become 13...

Have a nice day

Regards,
Firecat

 

Firecat
I think you are a fine young man!!You worry about hurting people because you've been hurt yourself and know how bad it feels and because you are a kind caring person Please dont think low of yourself.We all love you here!!I wish for you all the happiness in the world!!
your friend
Rita

 

Thanks Rita - I hope I never have to hurt anybody as long as I live.

Regards,
Firecat

 

Firecat,

Just a few random thoughts:

As most of us who have been through school, university, and post-graduate work understand, the social structure basically inverts as you go through that progression. Middle and high school are probably the hardest time for all since everyone is trying to establish their identity. Stay focused and you'll make it through fine. As for you former mates, their loss. You can't control what other people say about you, you can only control how you react to it.

All knowledge can be either useful or useless, it's what you do with it that counts. Computer knowledge is indespensible these days, and will be for the foreseeable future. If you don't use a computer in your daily life (or think you don't...), you simply won't see that. Let's just say too many people in my R&D group have computer skills that are way too light for my liking. The PC is an important and ubiquitous tool today, knowledge of that tool is always useful.

If you're worried about hurting other peoples feelings in your posts here, or in interactions elsewhere, the thing to remember is to stay positive. Negativity has a way of feeding on itself. The company I work for has suffered significant downsizing over the course of the past decade. We're still a very large company, but the psychological blows were hard to endure. However, at some point I, and probably a number of others, figured out that in circumstances like these one can make a conscious decision to be happy or not. It starts with little things, simple things, but behind it all is a firm decision that yes, I will be happy today. Parts of the day may be difficult, and you try to minimize that difficulty, and other parts will be a lot of fun, and you try to maximize that impact for yourself.

As for people not listening to you or talking behind your back, that happens to all of us, everyday. The only thing you can do it let your actions and accomplishments speak for themselves.

The important thing is to not think low of yourself. Keep in mind, from reading your posts here, I can with reasonable certainty say your computer skills and knowledge exceeds that of most of the PhD's in my R&D section. You certainly have solid analytic skills, this is the type of thing that is valuable in any future path, and the fact that you started this thread in the first place says that you understand the importance of stepping back, taking stock, getting some advice, and then moving forward with whatever new insights you've acquired. That's a fairly mature approach.

Firecat, you have no reason to think low of yourself.

Regards,

Blue

 

Thanks for that Blue. Gave me a HUGE morale boost. I'll keep that advice in mind, alongwith so muh more I've learnt. I've already learnt a lot here, and I am very happy I posted this thread.

(and I'm not speaking sarcastically or negatively)

Regards,
Firecat

 

As usual Blue I'm impressed with your thoughts and comments.

..::Very Nice::..

Steve

 

Cat, I went shopping for a mantra. I found this. Would you like to borrow it?

Hardship in life is inevitable.
Misery is optional.

 

Do not be discouraged. Being sincere and nice pays off in the end.

Computers are a great hobby (though can be rather expensive at times ), and like Blue mentioned they are all around us. In the future you may not be directly involved with computers, but it is very likely you will at least be indirectly working with them. And having that knowledge can really help you be more efficient in what you are doing.

Be yourself, there is only one "Firecat" in the world and if you conform to what others want you to be, you are not not unleashing your full and raw potential of what it is to be "Firecat." You would only be a moldable Gumby of what others want you to be... and that is no fun

 

On this one my friend, We are ALL responsible for our own actions. And this being correct does mean it is IMPOSSIBLE for someone to hurt someone elses feelings.
If someone wants to feel hurt, they will. If someone wants to get angry, they will. It's up to them. It's called self responsibilty. It's impossible for you to emotionally hurt anyone.