I do NOT want to be a Tech - support !!!

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE ------ TAKE A LOOK

1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."!
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

there are some more to come.. all given here would make it boring at last... read these 4 and laugh and u would still be laughing when I will post the next ones

 

Here's one I recently received; I cannot vouch for its authenticity.

This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard in a long time. I think the guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the helpdesk employee was fired. However he is currently suing the WordPerfect organisation for "Termination without cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!)
   (HD)= Helpdesk
   (c) = Customer

(HD) "Ridge Hall computer assistance, may I help you?"
(c) "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
(HD) "What sort of trouble?"
(c) "Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
(HD) "Went away?"
(c) "They disappeared."
(HD) "Hmmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
(c) "Nothing."
(HD) "Nothing?"
(c) "It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type."
(HD) "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
(C) "How can I tell?"
(HD) "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
(C) "What's a C prompt?"
(HD) "Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen?"
(c) "There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
(HD) "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
(c) "What's a monitor?"
(HD) "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
(c) "I don't know."
(HD) "Well then, look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
(c) "Yes, I think so."
(HD) "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
(C) "Yes it is."
(HD) "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
(c) "No."
(HD) "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
(c) "Okay, here it is."
(HD) "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely intp the back of your computer."
(c) "I can't reach."
(HD) "Uh Huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
(c) "No."
(HD) "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
(c) "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
(HD) "Dark."
(c) "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming through the window."
(HD) "Well, turn on the office light then."
(c) "I can't."
(HD) "No? Why not?"
(c) "Because there's a power failure."
(HD) "A power...A power failure. Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
(c) "Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."
(HD) "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
(c) "Really? Is it that bad?"
(HD) "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
(c) "Well, all right then. I suppose. What do I tell them?"
(HD) "Tell them you're too #@!?&%> stupid to own a computer!"

 

ROTFLMAO!

Good story, dangitall. Unfortunately, I'm sure things like that happen everyday!

 

This would be funny if it wasn't true

I was training a customer on a new program installation over the phone. As she was (supposed to be) building a file, she should have been in fields in a particular order. I was talking away and she was responded but the responses were not quite right. I finally asked her where she was (meaning the data entry on the screen). Her response - "in the computer room"!

Months later, I had to go onsite. Yes, indeed, she was lovely and very blonde

 

I'm sure it does. Even mild-mannered me (What was that? I coulda sworn I just heard a rather loud and obnoxious raspberry!) has been tempted to similar responses!

Regardless, phone support has got to be one of the most thankless jobs out there, and the relatively few good ones I've come across are worth their weight in gold.

{M2S posted while I was writing mine. I experience a similar situation every couple of weeks or so when a friend of mine calls for help. As I'm trying to lead her through something on a step-by-step basis, she keeps jumping ahead - getting herself lost and, in the process, occasionally making things worse! Oh, well ... I don't like doing phone support anyway!}

 

My all time favorite customers (sarcasm dripping here)...

The ones who call regarding a problem, are not particularly articulate and talk over you while you are trying to respond to their issue.

...and the others as dangitall mentioned who are clicking away nine steps ahead of you. Hum ....what did you do? Customer - "I don't know I didn't see the error message, but can you fix it". My response - "please take your hands off the keyboard". Now, listen to my voice.......

Thankless job? There have been good days (very rewarding) and bad days (wanted to reach through the phone a choke the living crap out of someone). My last day of this adventure is March 31st. Eight more work days! Maybe I'll write a book - LOL

 

I'm sure it would make great reading!

You're probably aware of this, but the definition for stress is 'the frustrated desire to choke the living s*** out of some jerk who desperately needs it'! I'm honestly surprised that we don't hear of phone techs going postal!

 

On the other side of the coin are the Tech people who need to be trained by the customer. I can't imagine how some of these people get into those positions. I'm not that good at computers, but I've come across some Tech people that are terrible at what they're trying to do.

 

There are definitely those, too, and I suspect more of 'em than of the other. Poorly trained and informed (or perhaps simply incompetent) phone techs are one of the reasons I gave up on my previous ISP.

 

Okay - I am officially a member.

dnagitall - I doubt it will be a best seller, but it beats reading about Martha. Once upon a time there was....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

After five years, I did "go postal" if you can do that over the phone. One too many customer telling me that it was my job to fix a problem they had ignored for over a year, purged all their data and then wanted me to idenitify their problem. NOT!

There is nothing more rewarding, at least to me, than helping another person learn something new. To be able to see or hear "the lights come on". But, there too many people who do not take responsibilty for their own actions, don't want to learn and do want instant gratification.

Kudos to all of you who assist other members here and the other forums, many with the patience of a saint. It is difficult enough to assist someone with a problem when you can speak directly to them; and quite different via a forum.

Pretender, unfortunately you are correct. Often, the support person on the other end of the line, is just another body. You don't want to get me started on that topic. If you don't get the answers you need, ask to have the problem escalated.

My next chapter - road trip for a year. No work, all play

 

I can just see the cyber-cops, guns in hand and cable cutters at the ready, surrounding the perp and yelling "Just remove your hands from the keyboard and put 'em up in the air where we can see 'em!"

I know lots of folks who should get busted this way!

BTW, have a little cookie snack on me! (That's the karma stuff in case you didn't know.)

Edit: Hey M2S, just noticed: "My next chapter - road trip for a year. No work, all play"

That sounds so cool! Where ya headed and whatcha going to do? Have fun!

 

Hey, Pretender. What was your post here http://www.wilderssecurity.com/showthread.php?t=24516;start=0 all about? I’m still scratching my head over this one. What in the world did I say or do to make you think that I don’t like you?!?!?!?

Acadia

 

Yum, Yum - I love cookies and karma is good for the soul

I got a great visual with your "put 'em up in the air where we can see 'em!" - LOL

Where I'm heading? Where ever it is warm. This yankee (Northeast USA) has had enough of cold winters and snow. Selling one of the houses, hopping into an RV and will land where the road leads. Life is short, death is long....I've much to do yet before I leave this place.

Arcadia - don't fret...not worth it.

One of my favorites:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html

 

Wow, that was nice, thanks for sharing.

Acadia

 

OK,

the rest

4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$


5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there ?"

6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."

7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

. Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."

11).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

12). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"


this one is a classic... real classic...


16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you ! the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

 

"Where I'm heading? Where ever it is warm. This yankee (Northeast USA) has had enough of cold winters and snow. Selling one of the houses, hopping into an RV and will land where the road leads. Life is short, death is long....I've much to do yet before I leave this place."

Oh man.....

My dream also, MS2! I can retire anytime now (at the ripe old age of 52) but am just holding on for another year-and-a-half to get the house paid off. Then it's off to dream-land!

What's dream-land?

Well, there's two options. One is to do what you said: sell or rent the house, buy an RV and go tour the North American continent, from Mexico to Alaska and west to east!

My other option, which is more dear to my heart, is to move to New Zealand! I've vacationed there and loved the country and the people! It's a beautiful, laid-back place! The locals think that Yanks are the bees-knees and you can go from the tropical beaches to big snow-capped mountains (North Island vs. South Island), great fishing, camping, hiking and boating. I think I'd be happy spending my last years in that fantastic place. But, as God wills!

 

Subratam - the 'No Smoke' was great!

It's folks like this who make me yell 'Hey, barkeep! More lubrication over here!'

And M2S and NanDog - what's wrong with a bit of snow?! You find those warmer climes and you'll get bored!

 

I am not sure what my frame of mind was when posting, but please don't take it as negative or harsh. I'm not the type of person that takes too much real seriously. There are exceptions though............like I never intentionally want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad. Please forgive what it appears to convey. I love coming to this board. There is only one exception.......whenever I post in a forum on any other board besides Wilders.........the icon representing the thread is marked to show that I've posted...........so I go back and pay much more attention to those threads. I'm unable to do that with this board as the icons are not tagged showing that I've posted in the thread at some point. What I'm saying is that I would have addressed your concern over my unthoughtful post a lot sooner than now. Friends?

 

Back to topic..................I feel sorry for Tech support people.......when they haven't been given the proper training to do the job. I can empathize when I attempt to assist relatives or friends of mine. They just don't seem to get it. My brother just had a computer built for him.........great!........the builder installed the XP Home software of his instead of my brother purchasing the software........ticked me off........I asked my brother if he were able to download/install critical updates and, also, tried to instill upon him the need to deal with security immediately. This was several weeks ago. I spoke with him in the last several days and asked him if how the download/install of the critical updates went and he said that he hadn't tried to get them yet........ta dum, ta dum. I am seeing it happen more and more lately that the first time someone hooks up to the internet...........their computer system gets hit. What are ya going to do? Then there are the times when people won't give you all of the information that you are asking for and wanting you to help them. So you invest a lot of time working with what they've told you and are unable to figure out why the problem exists. I go back and ask if they are sure they've told me everything and usually always get............"OH YEAH, I forgot to tell you this cuzz I didn't think it was important" and so on, and so on............and I love you all!!!!

 

Forever, well for the rest of this life time anyways!

Acadia

 

That's what I like about NZ. You have the best of both worlds. Warm tropical beaches to play on and then the Southern Alps with big mountains and lots of snow. You can choose to lay on the beach or surf or head to the hills to climb and ski! It's a great country!

 

Not me, thank you very much. I will admire the snow-topped mountains from very afar

I understand in New Mexico you can be in the desert and still see mountains with snow. That works for me. I'll let you know if that is true.

M2S

Nandog - that sounds like a wonderful idea too. My other dream is to go to Ireland, but I'll will be taking a "boat". No flying for me...

 

Yup - it's true. The in-laws live in New Mexico