Funny Computer Quotes

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Jimbob1989, Dec 23, 2004.

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  1. Jimbob1989

    Jimbob1989 Registered Member

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    "Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."

    "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

    "Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer."

    "All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men."

    "To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer."

    "The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing m**turbation as a leisure activity."

    "Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers."

    "UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity."

    "The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again."

    "The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit."

    "Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."

    "Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes"

    "The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier"

    "Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers."

    "I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them."

    "Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up."

    "In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear."

    "Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining."

    "If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in."

    "To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer."

    "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."

    "To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so."

    "If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."

    "If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it."

    Jimbob
     
  2. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    some good ones there Jimbob
     
  3. Jimbob1989

    Jimbob1989 Registered Member

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    *cough* *Bump* *Cough* :D

    Jimbob
     
  4. nadirah

    nadirah Registered Member

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    LOLOLOLO!!! :D
     
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