Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by ~*Nat*~, Dec 27, 2004.
" Just look my son ! About 6 months ago, people had to work
with something like THAT !!! "
Hope this isn't too intense ! Lol
Only in jest ladies!!
One more for the ladies.....
My new box!!
If restaurants functioned like Microsoft....
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems
to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl
are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how
was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the
fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late
Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
Soup of the Day ................................... $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day .................. $2.50
Access to support ................................. $1.00
~Only worrying bit about this one is that I have to admit to liking Lynyrd Skynyrd!!~
MICROSOFT UNVEILS NEW JOE-BOB(tm) SOFTWARE
by Andrew Burke
REDMOND, Wash. -- April 10, 1995 -- Microsoft today announced the
release of Joe-Bob(tm), a new software package that the company hopes
will open up a huge untapped computer market. With the motto "The
software for the rest of y'all(tm)," Joe-Bob reaches out to the same
demographic group that buys 4x4s, supports the gun lobby, and drinks
"Computers have been commonly seen as for leftists and intellectuals,"
explains Microsoft spokesperson Willy Maclean, "but we've recently
seen people like Newt Gingrinch embracing new technology -- the time
is right for the rest of America to get wired!"
Instead of a desktop or office metaphor, Joe-Bob(tm) puts the user in
a garage. "Click on the Lynyrd Skynyrd tapes, and get a complete music
library in digital stereo. Click on the pinups, and get hooked up to
the Internet's hottest gifs," the promotional materials explain.
The package does not include a word processor or spreadsheet, but does
have software that keeps track of the football season, lists the best
roadhouses between Florida and Nevada, and can even order spareribs
and beer at the click of a mouse.
"This is righteous software, man," says beta-tester Billy Grugg. "It
thinks like I think." Brad Cunningham agrees: "I take it everywhere,"
he says, pointing to a Pentium laptop racked under his 12-gauge in his
pickup truck. Microsoft is offering desktop users a special clip-on
beer holder for their monitors.
"Look at what's popular out there," says Microsoft Chairman Bill
"Four of the top-10 Usenet newsgroups are about sex, and splatter
video games like Doom and Mortal Kombat are bestsellers. We're just
catering to a demand, that's all."
Microsoft is reportedly distributing badges and bumper stickers saying
things like "Joe-Bob: Make Your Disk Hard," "Go Microsoft -- Go Intel
-- Go America," and "QuickTime is for Pinko Hippie Wimps."
Separate names with a comma.