Cochise and Paint!!

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by ronjor, Nov 22, 2004.

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  1. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    Congrats (Major) Cochise! You and Paint have covered a lot of trails here and left a lot of witty droppings!!
    1000 posts!

    Here are some new barbs for you.
     

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  2. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    Congrats Major Cochise I really am glad your here :) enjoy your intelligence and wit!
     

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2004
  3. Blackspear

    Blackspear Global Moderator

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    I always thought he was a "Chief" not a Major, you been demoted Cochise? ;) :D

    Congrats oh great one, now get back in that Tee Pee and make sure you close the flap next time, I am scared for life ;) :D

    :D :D :D
     
  4. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    Moi!......Your kind 'Barbs' are stuck in my heart forever.......Of course knocking up a 'Grand' of Posts doesn't mean I know anything....like I said once before.....it's just that I've been here a long time... :D :D :D AND Loved every minute of it..........Finding this Site and the lovely, lovely people on it changed my life for the better.....Bless you all....it's been my Joy to have been a part of it....... :D



    Cochise, :cool: (Forever in the debt of you ALL :-* )
     
  5. Primrose

    Primrose Registered Member

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    Congrats Chief and Thank You for letting us keep Thanksgiving. I have posted your new rules on Plymouth Rock... George wants to know if Mrs.Washington can borrow Paint for a week or so to plow the field.


    To the citizens of the United States of America,



    In the light of your failure to elect a suitable President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:



    1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. Ditto “advertisementâ€. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.



    2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".



    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.



    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.



    5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.



    6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US

    rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.



    7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.



    8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".



    9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.



    10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served cool. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.



    11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.



    12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.



    13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).



    14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.



    15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.



    Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).



    Thank you for your cooperation.



    The People of Britain.



    ;)
     
  6. nadirah

    nadirah Registered Member

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    Congratulations major cochise! :D:D:D:D:D
     
  7. J at A

    J at A Guest

    Congrats Cochise !!!!! [​IMG]

    Warm regards, Jan.
     
  8. Acadia

    Acadia Registered Member

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    SouthCentral PA
    Alright Cochise, thanks for being here! :cool:

    Acadia
     
  9. Peaches4U

    Peaches4U Registered Member

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  10. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    SW. Oklahoma
    cochise, congrats on your milestone. I met this little lady and she said she would like to help you celebrate this momentous occsasion.
     

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  11. big ed

    big ed Registered Member

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    To the citizens of the United States of America,


    15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.


    Hey Primrose,

    My reliable confidential source assures me that it was a "Muppets" hit. Either Miss Piggy or the frog. As for the rest of your post, "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN".

    Regards, big ed (Massachusetts Colony)





    ;)[/QUOTE]
     
  12. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

    Joined:
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    In the Vast Fields of My Mind
    CONGRATULATIONS, COCHISE!!! :) :)

    THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO SMOKE A PEACE PIPE
    WITH ME, JUST FOR THIS CELEBRATION!!! IT'S A ONE HIT WONDER, SO WON'T NEED ANY AFTER THIS ONE!

    ENJOY YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR, FAIRNESS AND INTELLIGENT POSTS, MAJOR COCHISE!! WANT MORE!! :)

    TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF!!

    MARJA:cool:
     

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    Last edited: Nov 23, 2004
  13. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

    Joined:
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    In the Vast Fields of My Mind
    PrimRose,

    So, when's the parade? Do we have to wear a flowery hat??

    What is the Queen going to do about the rest of California?? Who's going to tell AHH-Nuld?? He's planning on being the next President, y'know!! He's gonna go terminal when he hears this!!

    Your Fan,

    Marja:cool:
     
  14. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    San Diego
    Congratulations to our witty Brit friend! :) :) :)
    I always enjoy reading your funny posts!
     

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  15. dog

    dog Guest

    Yup ... Congrats Cochesse [sic].

    Where would Wilders' be without your witty quips o_O You are always a good read my friend. ;) Looking forward to your next little quip ...

    Warm Regards,
    Steve
     
  16. Galcoolest

    Galcoolest Registered Member

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    229
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Congrats, Cochise- even though I have no clue what your deal is other than that you have apparently spewed some serious verbiage here.....
    ##########################
    On another subject, believe Primrose inadvertently overlooked a couple of new directives to be heeded:

    Consumption of Peanut Butter shall be allowed only on every other Thursday, and Nutella shall be utilized at all other times in its place.

    Any meat product except fish (which shall remain prepared tradtionally and seved only wrapped in newsprint) shall be cooked 3 times longer and with 3 times less seasoning than the former American process. Failure to render any meat product indistinguishable from any other meat product is subject to the penalty of Indian foods from Piccadilly served at all meals for the period of one month, with rice included only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays.

    All establishment of new telephone service shall require at least a fortnight of lead time, and shall be local service only except for Manhattan, Los Angeles and Detroit. Americans may continue to use their cell phones when in their domicile or place of employment between the hours of 7:am-8 am and 7pm to 8pm.. Unauthorized use of a cell phone in breach of the directives shall result in forfeiture of the phone to the relief efforts in Ghana.

    No yellow vehicle shall be permitted on the streets anywhere except in New York City where all yellow vehicles presently in operation shall be permitted to continue operation, with the proviso that they be painted black by January 2006.

    Smoking shall be permitted any where at any time, with the excepton of intensive care units in hospital where oxygen is being administered more than 3 times daily.

    A speaker's corner shall be established in the exact center point of every urban center exceeding 100,000 residents and shall be available at all times to all people except citizens who voted as Democrats or of the Green Party in the last ten years.

    Ice shall be rationed such that only citizens earning over $100,000 per annum may request it in public venues and only at its then market price, however consumption of ice shall be permitted for all if offered by any vendor at any time except in Florida, Texas and Arkansas.
     
  17. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

    Joined:
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    2,549
    Location:
    North Thoresby Lincs Good Olde England
    Many thanks for all the kind remarks.....thanks also for the offer of the American Indian Princess and the man sized peace-pipe.....(Not too sure whether I would be able to cope with either tho'.. :D :D...

    I'am also flattered to think that by just knocking up 1000 Posts I appear to have set in motion a total change in the Constitution of two Countries!!??....How COOL is that?.....Must admit Primrose and Galcoolest, what you suggest sounds good to me.... :D :D :D.....so everybody round to my house for a Boston Tea Party, (Bring your own Cup, Plate and spoon)..



    Love and Best Wishes to you All, Cochise, :cool:

    Michael.
     
  18. no13

    no13 Retired Major Resident Nutcase

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    Wouldn't YOU like to know?
    Congrats. 3rd party in a week (snowbound, ronjor and now cochise)
    cool, so where do we meet up ?... err, in Austin Massachusetts/Boston Texas, or in Devon(shire)... Do we get to wear nice frock-coats like the peeps in the olde country?
     
  19. iceni60

    iceni60 ( ^o^)

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    Congrats Cochise

    Cochise=Hardwood in the Chiracahua Apache language
    Cochise b. 1812, d. June 8, 1874

    Cochise was a tall man, six feet, with broad shoulders and a commanding appearance. He never met a man his equal with a lance, and, like Crazy Horse, was never photographed. They both were buried in secret locations on their homeland.

    Cochise
    Cochise
     
  20. slammer_JvA

    slammer_JvA Registered Member

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    Below sea-level. Safe and sound behind our dikes:
    No no no: ANIMAL did it. (wasn't it obvious?)

    By the way, congrats Michael :D
     
  21. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    Thanks Iceni for that, your so right, He was a Brave indeed...A 'Brave is, as a 'Brave' does and He 'did' it with style and Honour and Integrity....Rest his Soul and those who fought for their Liberty and Rights along side him.......

    Cochise, :cool:
     
  22. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    Looool! Thanks for the Piccy Uguel....'Paint' has hung it on his wall....(He's sooo good looking).....When I suggested the Brave looked a bit like me, he just gave a 'Horse' laugh and said "Dream on"......He really knows how to hurt a person... :D



    Cochise, :cool:
     
  23. mercurie

    mercurie A Friendly Creature

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    I thought my hard drive was smoking when I first started :ninja: here at the Wilders Forest before I finally realized it was Cochise smoke signals. Congrats Cochise keeping sending your signals ;)
     
  24. snowbound

    snowbound Retired Moderator

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    Good job Cochise! :cool:

    Congratulations. :)


    snowbound
     
  25. GlobalForce

    GlobalForce Regular Poster

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    http://img92.exs.cx/img92/4500/Capture9-27-2004-102948PM11-24-2004-80653PM.gif

    Prankster (right comment, right place, right time), healer (of sorts.....),
    storyteller (er, truth speaker in various tones of slapstick :D ), and spreader of joy lighthearted laughter.

    Major Cochise.......Sir!..........
    Now I sure hope you didn't think for a second I was gonna miss this thread!
    Mods.......are you sure this promotion is legit?
    Somehow I feel Senior Cochise hasn't racked up enough visits to the M$ site for validation.....
    I'd like a recount! :D
    http://img10.exs.cx/img10/474/Capture9-27-2004-102948PM11-24-2004-55848PM.gif

    Obviously..........that sharp wit of yours comes from experience far exceeding your years of existance :cool:
    .....whenever I open a thread where those tell-tale smoke signals are blow'in.......I expect an ear to ear grin :D
    Hey.............................I'm not kidd'in! :cool:
    Not usually looking for anything from anyone.....except YOU!!! :-* (so no girly-man kisses here... :D ).​



    Simply put, you're fine depth of character is evidenced in each and every reply you post.......
    and would imagine the tapestry of your life to be rich with lasting experiences you so generously share.​

    http://img98.exs.cx/img98/3695/Capture9-27-2004-102948PM11-24-2004-61446PM.gif

    I'm confident to add other's here enjoy your charming ability to be straight speaking.......... :D ;) :cool:

    "CONGRADULATIONS MAJOR SENIOR COCHISE......."
    You have touched our hearts and enriched our lives.
    ThankYou for all you bring to Wilder's!
    :D :cool:





    *Highest* Approval,
    GF
     
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