Barbie's Missing!

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Marja, Apr 9, 2005.

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  1. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Re: My Dollies!

    NEWS BULLETIN: BARBIE OF 'BARBIE AND KEN' FAME HAS BEEN REPORTED "MISSING"!

    SHE WAS REPORTED MISSING BY HER AUNT EDNA, JUST YESTERDAY, "THIS ISN'T LIKE HER, SHE LETS US KNOW WHERE SHE IS GOING, ALL THE TIME?"

    THE LAST PLACE BARBIE WAS SEEN WAS AT THIS STORE, IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT BARBIE, PLEASE CALL THE POLICE OR NOTTEL.
     

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    Last edited: Apr 13, 2005
  2. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THIS TOWN IN A BUZZ WITH THE NEWS OF BARBIE'S DISAPPEARANCE A FEW DAYS AFTER SHE AND KEN SEEMED TO RETURN FROM A CYCLING VACATION-

    READ ALL ABOUT IT IN THE 'FOLLYWOOD ARCADE"

    HERE'S A PREVIEW FROM OUR SISTER PAPER!
     

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  3. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Re: My Dollies!

    In the local news, fans are agog at the advertisement apparently taken out in full page and full color by the one and only Ken!

    This reporter cannot confirm the truth of this claim.
     

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  4. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    Re: My Dollies!

    This story is getting curiouser and curiouser, this reporter's favorite frame of mind! AND just who is this La Flamingo? Hmmmmmmmmm, the plot thickens.

    Maybe a visit to some of Barbie's friends will gather the information that her fans are accustomed to, also a look at what other reporters are, well, reporting!

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


    Valentine’s Day blues for Barbie and Ken
    LAUREN WEBER
    Send Feedback E-mail this story Print this story
    Posted online: Saturday, February 14, 2004 at 0000 hours IST

    WASHINGTON, FEBRUARY 13: ALERT: There’s trouble in Malibu. Barbie and Ken have gone the way of J Lo and Ben. Following much public speculation about Ken’s sexual orientation and Barbie’s busy schedule (she does, after all, have 90 careers), the pair have decided to split.

    ‘‘After 43 years of dating, Barbie and Ken have drifted apart,’’ said Russell Arons, vice-president of marketing at Barbie and Ken’s parent company, Mattel. On the eve of the 101st annual American International Toy Fair in Manhattan, a major event when US retailers try to identify the next toy trends and place orders for the Christmas season, Mattel says Barbie, born in 1959, will reclaim her identity as a California girl with a ‘‘carefree and independent look.’’ Maybe Barbie got bored with Ken. Maybe she realised she didn’t need a man in order to be happy. Maybe Ken came out of the closet. But perhaps, say marketing experts, Mattel wanted to shed a doll that may have been an unprofitable drag on the Barbie name. ‘‘This pretend-boyfriend thing probably just wasn’t helping sales anymore

    It's long been said that evem the most perfect Hollywood relationships never last forever -- just ask Ben and J. Lo.

    But now, a fairy tale romance is coming to an end and it's got all of Hollywood buzzing.

    Yes, it's true -- Ken and Barbie are breaking up after a blissful 43-year relationship.

    "I will confirm that Ken and Barbie are going to go their separate ways," said publicist Ken Sunshine, who represents such Hollywood heavyweights as Ben Affleck, Justin Timberlake and Leonardo DiCaprio.

    News of the breakup sent shockwaves across the globe.

    "Barbie and Ken broke up, the universe is upside down," Deborah Gibson told Access. "The relationship always struck me as being a little plastic. What I want to know is who gets the ski chalet? Who gets the dream car?"

    While Barbie was mum about the breakup, allegations were swirling about Ken's sexual preference.

    Access' Billy Bush caught up with a close friend of Ken's and addressed the burning question on everyone's mind.

    "I can speak to that, I've been with Ken for 10 years. Stop fronting Ken," said the equally-artificial G.I. Joe.

    "So Joe, where did you and Ken actually meet," Billy asked.

    "We were both summer traffic cops at Fire Island, that's where we met," the plastic military man explained, suddenly becoming very uncomfortable with the conversation.

    "No more questions," G.I. Joe said.

    Upon overhearing Joe's comments, an angry Ken quickly interjected.

    "You're a liar, we have not been together," Ken erupted. "I'm as straight as an arrow."

    A spokesperson for Ken subsequently released a statement, putting all rumors to rest.

    "He is not of mixed gender in anyway," the spokesperson said.

    As for the all-too-anatomically-perfect Barbie, she drove off in one of her many dream cars and reports indicate she will keep the dream house.
     
  5. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    In other reports:
     

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  6. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    The beat goes on:
     

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  7. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    WHILE FOLLOWING THIS STORY, THIS REPORTER HAS FOUND OUT THAT AUNT EDNA, BARBIE'S DEAR AUNT SEEMS TO BE MISSING ALSO. THERE ARE QUITE A FEW INCONSISTENCIES IN AND AROUND HER TRAILER. HER BELOVED DOGS AND CAT SEEM TO BE SUFFERING A FEW DAYS OF "NO FOOD".

    WE WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS WE FIND ANYTHING OUT FROM THE AUTHORITIES, AND FEED THE ANIMALS!

    IF YOU SEE AUNT EDNA, REMEMBER SHE IS HARD OF HEARING AND CAN BE QUITE CANTANKEROUS!
     

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  8. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    It seems Aunt Edna had been worried about Barbie and Ken for a while, there is evidence at her trailer that points to a possible wrongful disppearance, this reporter will not add to the conjecture, we will dig to find the truth!

    There have been a few stories that missed the front pages, possibly giving one clues to "What Happened to Barbie?"
     

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  9. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    This shameful episode was featured on a fraternity home movie!
     

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  10. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    FOUND IN DUMPSTER BEHIND NOTTEL MANUFACTURING BY THIS INTREPID REPORTER!! WHAT ELSE ARE THEY HIDING??!
    o_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O??

    New Hacker Barbie Hits Toy Stores
    2006 NEW BARBIE! (LA, California)

    NOTTEL announces their new line of Barbie products, the "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, andn academically challenged. This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell" series.

    The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of
    well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors and HP calculators optional.) The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as "What's your Internet address?", "I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your kernel must have gotten trashed," "Can't you grep that file?", and "DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!"

    "We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen, Marketing
    Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage
    incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, NOTTEL released Barbie dolls that say, "Math is hard," with a condescending companion Ken.) The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent management consultant who frequently asks Barbie for help.

    The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie
    dolls. Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally
    terminate the notion that women are inherently inferior when it comes to mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the masses."

    NOTTEL made no comment.

    Parents, however, are worried that they will fall behind the children
    technologically when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My daughter Jenny plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of rural Oxford, Mississippi, "and now she pays my credit card bill online.

    Got no idea how she does it, but she surely does it. I just don't wanna be looked upon as some dumb mama." NOTTEL will be offering free training courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.

    The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail" will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARBIE RITES L1KE BIFF!!!" will serve as an introduction to expository writing.
     
  11. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    The whisper about Town is that Barbs has gone into re-hab at the Betty (You know who) Clinic under the name of Miss Plastiche. It appears that some spiteful little kid took her from his little Sisters collection and did her some damage, consequently rumour has it she was last seen 'Legless' in Vegas......draw your own conclusions or draw a little house with windows and a door.....it's up to you.....


    CoPaparazzichise, :cool:
     
  12. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THIS STORY IS EVEN LEAKING INTO PRIMETIME SHOWS!

    WHERE WILL IT STOP? HOW ARE FANS TAKING IT?
     

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  13. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    OH! THOSE PAPARATTZEE'S! THEY CANNOT HOLD A

    CANDLE TO THIS REPORTER'S REPORTS!

    THIS REPORTER SAYS THIS TO YOU PAPA RAT-ZEE'S!
     

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  14. Primrose

    Primrose Registered Member

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    More..More..shake that boodie cutie :-*
     

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  15. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

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    Precocious little Hussy.....she needs to have her legs given a good smacking... *puppy*


    Cochise, :cool:
     
  16. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THE TABLOIDS HAVE PICKED UP THE SCENT, TELLING BY PREVIOUS POSTERS!

    REE-AAALY! HMMMPH!
     

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  17. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    NO NEWS IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD NEWS!
     

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  18. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THE WOODWORK IS CRAWLING!
     

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  19. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    'THEY' SAY SHE WAS IN INSPIRATION TO BARBIE'S EVERYWHERE!

    YOU MAY SIGN THE GUESTBOOK AFTER THE SHOW FOR A REMEMBRANCE OF DOLLS EVERYWHERE!
     

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  20. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THIS REPORTER INTERVIEWS SOME OF KEN'S 'ACQUAINTANCES'.
     

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  21. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    THIS REPORTER'S JOB IS NEVER DONE.
     

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  22. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    KEN'S CLAIM TO FAME IS NOT!
     

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  23. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    A SAD TURN OF EVENTS.
     

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  24. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    MORE NEWS.
     

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  25. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

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    FANS FROM ALL OVER REACH OUT TO FIND BABS!

    COMING UP - POP TOP DRIVE STARTED BY INTOXSICKATED, BOBBLE HEADS FOR BARBIE, BENEFIT FOR AUNT EDNA, WILDERS' REUNION PLANS ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIPS FOR EVERYONE!
     

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