Need Decent One Liners Please

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by MICRO, Sep 7, 2004.

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  1. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
     
    Etsnuffy, Sep 7, 2004
    #26
  2. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, "We want Youngman! We want Youngman!" The coach says, "Youngman - go see what they want!"--Henny Youngman
     
    JimIT, Sep 7, 2004
    #27
  3. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.--Henny Youngman
     
    JimIT, Sep 7, 2004
    #28
  4. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    My neighbor put in a circular driveway
    ... but now, he can't get out.

    Steven Wright
     
    ronjor, Sep 7, 2004
    #29
  5. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed? --Henny Youngman
     
    JimIT, Sep 7, 2004
    #30
  6. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    do fat people go skinny dipping?
     
    Rita, Sep 7, 2004
    #31
  7. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    A girl phoned me & said.. "Come on over, nobody's home."
    I went over - - Nobody was home !

    Rodney Dangerfield
     
    ronjor, Sep 7, 2004
    #32
  8. Acadia

    Acadia Registered Member

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    My signature. :cool:

    Acadia
     
    Acadia, Sep 7, 2004
    #33
  9. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

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    cemetary workers prefer the grave yard shift
     
    Rita, Sep 7, 2004
    #34
  10. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    eat wet cement and get stoned
     
    bigc73542, Sep 7, 2004
    #35
  11. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it."
    Wife: "You wear briefs, don't you?"
     
    JimIT, Sep 7, 2004
    #36
  12. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
     
    Etsnuffy, Sep 7, 2004
    #37
  13. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

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    A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." --Jake Johansen
     
    JimIT, Sep 7, 2004
    #38
  14. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
     
    Etsnuffy, Sep 7, 2004
    #39
  15. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

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    Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
     
    ronjor, Sep 7, 2004
    #40
  16. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
     
    Etsnuffy, Sep 7, 2004
    #41
  17. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    Did you hear about the New Yorker who was killed in a pie-eating contest?
    The cow sat on him
     
    bigc73542, Sep 7, 2004
    #42
  18. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

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    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
     
    Etsnuffy, Sep 7, 2004
    #43
  19. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

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    Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train coming from the opposite direction.
     
    sakharg, Sep 7, 2004
    #44
  20. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

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    Those who say money can't buy happiness obviously don't know where to shop.
     
    sakharg, Sep 7, 2004
    #45
  21. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    They say money is the root of all evil, well i am ready to be bad. Send money
     
    bigc73542, Sep 7, 2004
    #46
  22. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

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    Jesus Saves!........But Ruud Van Nistelrooy scores on the rebound!

    (Substitute your favourite striker here) :)
     
    sakharg, Sep 7, 2004
    #47
  23. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

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    Groucho Marx gems:

    "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

    "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
     
    sakharg, Sep 7, 2004
    #48
  24. MICRO

    MICRO Registered Member

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    Thanks to you all - Please keep them coming -
    The tears are running down my face !

    Regards.
     
    MICRO, Sep 7, 2004
    #49
  25. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

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    Take my wife==PLEASE
     
    bigc73542, Sep 7, 2004
    #50
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