Need Decent One Liners Please

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by MICRO, Sep 7, 2004.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

    A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
     
  2. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

    In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, "We want Youngman! We want Youngman!" The coach says, "Youngman - go see what they want!"--Henny Youngman
     
  3. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

    I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.--Henny Youngman
     
  4. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

    My neighbor put in a circular driveway
    ... but now, he can't get out.

    Steven Wright
     
  5. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

    I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed? --Henny Youngman
     
  6. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

    do fat people go skinny dipping?
     
  7. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

    A girl phoned me & said.. "Come on over, nobody's home."
    I went over - - Nobody was home !

    Rodney Dangerfield
     
  8. Acadia

    Acadia Registered Member

    My signature. :cool:

    Acadia
     
  9. Rita

    Rita Infrequent Poster

    cemetary workers prefer the grave yard shift
     
  10. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    eat wet cement and get stoned
     
  11. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

    Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it."
    Wife: "You wear briefs, don't you?"
     
  12. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

    If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
     
  13. JimIT

    JimIT Registered Member

    A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." --Jake Johansen
     
  14. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

    Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
     
  15. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

    Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
     
  16. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
     
  17. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    Did you hear about the New Yorker who was killed in a pie-eating contest?
    The cow sat on him
     
  18. Etsnuffy

    Etsnuffy Registered Member

    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
     
  19. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

    Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train coming from the opposite direction.
     
  20. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

    Those who say money can't buy happiness obviously don't know where to shop.
     
  21. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    They say money is the root of all evil, well i am ready to be bad. Send money
     
  22. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

    Jesus Saves!........But Ruud Van Nistelrooy scores on the rebound!

    (Substitute your favourite striker here) :)
     
  23. sakharg

    sakharg Registered Member

    Groucho Marx gems:

    "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

    "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
     
  24. MICRO

    MICRO Registered Member

    Thanks to you all - Please keep them coming -
    The tears are running down my face !

    Regards.
     
  25. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    Take my wife==PLEASE
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice