one liners

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad

 

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you

 

Give me ambiguity or give me something else

 

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

 

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the heck alone!

 

I have changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now.

 

I have no problem keeping secrets. It's the people I tell...

 

I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.

 

I know Karate! ...and several other Japanese words.

 

I know UNIX, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, and nineteen other high-tech words.

 

I'm old enough to know better but I'm still to young to care.

 

Intelligence is like underwear, everyone has it but you don't have to show it off.

 

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life; it goes on.

 

I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.

 

It doesn't matter if you win or lose until you lose.

 

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

 

It is a small world, but I wouldn't like to have to paint it.

 

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.

 

It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

 

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

 

It is hard to face the problem, when the problem is your face.

 

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial charges and blamed it on the cost of living.

 

It is not that I disagree with you, it is just that I'm not in full accord.

 

It is not the difference between people that is the difficulty; it is the indifference.

 

It is not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.