You Texans will love this one.

A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a
Rolls Royce at a stop sign

Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a
telephone in that Rolls?"

The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."

"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.

"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."

"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.

"Why, actually, yes, I do."

"I do too! See? It's right here!" brags the Texan.

The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says,
"So, do you have a double bed in back there?"

The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"

"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.

The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in
the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a
customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.

About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and
drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas
plates.

Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up
next to it.

The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat
awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on
the foggy window of the Volkswagen.

(It's ok, the joke is CLEAN)

The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?"

"Check this out... I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."

The Texan exclaims,

"YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

 

Your right!! Thats a good one.
But do you know what you have left if you take all the BS out of a Texan?

 

Yeah, but I would NOT dare to write it down - have several friends from Texas - so I have to be careful

 

Don't mess with Texas!

 

That is a good joke. But anything below the red river is just baja oklahoma so you don't have to worry.

 

That's funny. I used to live south of the Red River by about 400 miles and I've never heard of that country before.

 

it's a texas denial sort of thing.

 

C'mon bigc73542, without Texas, OU wouldn't have a football team.

 

Know why Texas doesn't fall into the Gulf of Mexico?

'Cause Oklahoma Sucks!



"Hook 'Em Horns!"

 

As an ex-Texan I can tell you for sure that that's not the reason. We're just not nutty enough to go play with them.


http://www.gifs.net/animate/shark.gif

 

Well I don't watch football so that is all right with me. I just use their icon now and then. And I guess that you know that if nebraska, kansas, and oklahoma took all of the dirt back that blew down there during the dust bowl texas would be the size of Rhode island.

 

Those jokes were good! Rhode Island? That's the place my gran came from!

 

I really do like to joke about texas because it is easy to get them going. But to be truthful I really do like texas. It really is a great state.

No offence texas, it isn't your fault you have to live there.

 

And so is Oklahoma. Me and the family love going up there to spend weekends camping on the lakes. Great parks and scenery "up there", too.

 

Come on folks it's not dirty.
I live here in Texas by choice! My daughter is a native. We've been here for 20 years.
answer: Hat & Boots!! Tee Hee!
Where's the Red River? Haa!
It's the only place I know where you can get chicken fried bacon!

 

Anywhere people live can't be all that bad just different than we might be used to.

 

I am from Michigan..we get along with everyone

***************


A Texan, a guy from Illinois, and a Michigander are riding horses
out on the range. The Texan, just to show off, pulls an expensive
bottle of whiskey out of his saddlebag, takes a couple drinks,
throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in
mid-air. The guy from Illinois is shocked and asks, "What are you
doing? That's a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"

The Texan replies, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and
bottles are cheap!"

A little while later, not wanting to be outdone, the guy from
Illinois pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws
the bottle into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it, just
like The Texan. The guy from Michigan can't believe it. "What are
you doing? That was a very expensive bottle of champagne!"

With a wink to the Texan he says, "In Chicago, there's plenty of
champagne and bottles are cheap."

About 15 minutes later, the Michigander pulls out a bottle of
beer. He opens it and takes a sip. Then another sip. Then he chugs
the rest of the bottle. He then places the bottle back in his
saddlebag, pulls out his gun and shoots the guy from Illinois.
The Texan is visibly shaken.

"What did you do that for?!?!" And.... the Michigander
says, "Well, in Michigan, we have plenty of people from Illinois,
and bottles are returnable."

 

Alright, alright. In steps a Texan. Seen on lots of license plates in Texas: Go ahead & cut me off, I'm reloading. Just a funny, really.

 

Primrose


I loved that one. They were all good, but OMG that had me in stitches.

 

Those are great. I hope you don't mind if I use 'em. Of course, I'll change the states so I can make fun of some others!

 

LOL, what a great idea. Can I "borrow" your idea and use it on a few friends of mine?

 

DMo224

If you're including the license plate thing, quote away!

 

Thanks! I'm already making changes to fit for me! Hehehehe! Here's one that you can change to fit whatever states you want. I used it when I was teaching in New York. The group just happen to be from New York, Ohio, and West Virginia. It follows:

A West Virginian couple moved to New York. After a few days there, they were needing some groceries. They went to the local store and told the owner that they needed "some 'mators, 'tators, and cigs".

The owner brought the groceries and said, "You're not from around here and I bet you're from West Virginia.

"Yep," was the reply.

"Well, as a welcome gift, I'll give you this for no charge!" said the owner. The happy West Virginians left.

Two guys from Ohio were watching and decided among themselves that they should do the same thing. So they walked up to the owner and asked for "some 'mators, 'tators, and cigs." The owner replied that he was now out of those items and couldn't help them.

The two guys from Ohio went outside and decided that it would work at another store. They walked across the street to another store to try it out.

"We would like some 'mators, 'tators, and cigs," they announced to the owner.

"You're not from around here," the owner said. "You guys must be from Ohio!"

"That's right," they replied. "How did you know?"

The owner answered, "This is a hardware store!"
[hr]
Have fun with that...........and it's all in good fun!

 

DMo224

That was nice! I like it... & will use it.

 

KENNY'S DONKEY

A city boy named Kenny moved to the country and bought a donkey from
an old Texas farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey
the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some
bad news. The donkey died on the way over to your place."

So Kenny said, "Well then, just give me back my money."

The farmer replied, "Can't do that. I spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer: " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny: "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece
and made a tidy profit of $898.00."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny: " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and and prospered, eventually becoming the chairman of Enron.