Twelve Days of Christmas - Reality Check

This one's become sort of a "golden oldie" by now -- but I was happy to see on another board elsewhere that it's still alive. Best to all for the holidays.

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves....
I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes

December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I just insist.... you're just too kind.
Love Agnes

December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes

December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes

December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes

December 20th
John:
What's with you and those birds? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY... So stop with those birds.
Sincerely, Agnes

December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There are droppings all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me.
Ag

December 22nd
Hey: What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And do they play! They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
From Ag

December 23rd
You Creep!
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call them ladies.
Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of fresh fertilizer. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it, Ag

December 24th
Listen Idiot:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the birds are dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister

December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spedar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.

With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Merry Christmas

 

Very,Very Funny!!

 

ROFLMAO!!! LOL LOL LOL!!!

 

Mike
I enjoyed this immensly!!I had never heard it.thanks for the good laugh

 

This would be a neat one to throw into a trivia party. Wanna bet that no one but the unknown writer of this ever sat down and totalled up the number of birds before?