The Windows Start Button

OR - how the Left Handed, Left Leaning, Left Wing, Left Everything faction fooled the World!
This is not a conspiracy theory story – oh no! – no conspiracies here, thank you very much! So on to my conspir...(oops, sorry)....story!
There I was, a happy little chappie merrily tripping along – ignorant in my somnolent, somnambulant state of bliss – playing with my Windows 7, thinking what a perfect and utopian little world was my Windows. Then one day I installed my first Linux distro! - What!- you say? Why is this bozo rambling on about....arrrgh!...Linux, in a post called Windows Start Button? - bear with me and all will be revealed!
I discovered that in the Linux world there is - 'The Panel' – (like Windows Task Bar) – even with a Start Button thingie (called Launcher, or something likewise) But there's more! - you can actually move this Panel\Launcher! Yessiree! Believe it or not! I mean, how radical can you get? Stick it at the top of the screen – stick it at the bottom, stick it on the left of screen – on the right of screen! Hell, you can even stick it vertically in the middle of the screen if you wish to! - (why you would want to is beyond me, but hey, all bases covered!) - good for those TrekkyPaddists (Trakpad users for you uninitiated) - not far to move cursor, you could sit like one in a suspended state – only occasionally moving a finger, to show you are not asleep!
Anyway, when I went back to my loverly Windows – thinking wouldn't it be nice to be able to move my Start Button where I wanted it? - and then those dreadful thoughts suddenly hit me!
Why was the Windows Start Button on the left? Why was it not on the right, which would be more practical and convenient for righties like me? And why had I never even thought about it until now? How did this wooly screen of obfuscation and obscure, obscurity dim my already dim brain? And how did you left handed lot get your way and have the Windows Start Button placed on the left? Huh?
Now, I've got nothing against you left handers (some of my friends are actually left handers) - but lets face it - you left handed mob are in the minority. We right handers are the majority – so what happened, all you right handers might ask?
Like the Matrix's Neo..... I awoke from my slumbering somnambulance and perceived the evil, dastardly conspiracy which had led to this left sided lunacy!....AND.....it was a faction called the Left Handed, Left Leaning, Left Wing, Left Everything loonies that had bamboozled those buffoons at Microsoft to place the Start Button on the left! Oh, yes they did! Trust me!
They had planned their strategem with meticulous, methodical and malevolent endeavour to thwart all us righties! Oh, the horror! - the horror of it all!
But I can reveal how we right handers got our revenge! Oh, yes we did! Our faction, called - WE'RE ALL RIGHT – representing us Right Handed, Right Leaning, Right Wing, Right about Everything pulled off a brilliant coup – convincing those lardheads at Microsoft to completely remove the Start Button from Windows 8! Yessir! Completely! So now, all you lot (both left handed layabouts – and right handed smoothies) now know the TRUE reason why there is no Start Button in Windows 8! Why didn't WE'RE ALL RIGHT get Microsoft to simply move the Windows 8 Start Button to the right, you ask? Well, if there ain't no Start Button at all – the Left Handed, Left Leaning, Left Wing, Left Behind by Everything lunatics can't talk Microsoft into moving it back to the left now, can they? Class A thinking dudes!
Still, it could have been worse! In the Linux world (Arrrgh! - there he goes again!) there is this desktop (windows type thingy) called Unity (in Quantum Quack-Quack, or something) in which the Left Handed, Left Leaning, Left Wing, Left and Loopy Everything faction displayed their terrible power and forced the developers to fix the 'Panel' on the left side of the screen – and horror of horrors! - the launcher\starter....Dash\crash thingie at the Top Left of screen! - Can you believe it? The furtherest place possible for a right hander! Imagine something as diabolical and demoniacal as that happening in Windows 7? It's no wonder Unity has lost popularity – users are almost exhausted just getting to the start point! And what about those poor people with 23 inch screens? You'd need a sandwich lunch pack to get to the top left of screen!

Hmmm........now, about moving that start button in Windows 7 to the right of screen......

 

Holy hell...*wall of text crits you for 9000* Um, what exactly is the issue you're reporting? My head can't read through that thoroughly.

 

o0 Krysis, you're totally wrong.

Almost everyone in the world write from left to right. A Start Button on the left makes sense to a majority.

The big exception (might be more): Arabs and Hebrews.

http://nitsuj.org/images/Ara_windows.jpg

Windows in Arab language for you...

The Start Button follows that logic dude.

If your language is written from left to right, Start button is placed on the left.

If your language is written from right to left, Start button is placed on the right.

Anyways, you made my day.. thanks for the laughs.

 

Your Welcome!

 

LOL WTF ARE YOU ON?

 

He has been taking some linux.

 

i' ll have what you're smoking!

just unlock the Taskbar and move the whole thing to the right side.

or use a Linux distro.

 

Semitic languages are written from right to left. That's why books on those languages open with right book cover something we're not used to in the West. It would make sense in Microsoft and Linux systems to reverse the GUI to accommodate the way a language is read.

 

If you're trolling, you are doing it quite well, I must admit.
Technically, you can move the taskbar to the top or side.
And you can have the button on the right side.
Mrk

 

I prefer the centre ground

 

Wow! My 'article' was simply meant as a satirical (non serious) poke at the postioning of the Start Button or 'non' positioning in the case of Windows 8 - and to provoke thought about it. From the reaction thus far, it it seems my attempt at satire has fallen on it's proverbial face! Guess I'd better stick to simpler stuff!
With regard to comments about which direction we read from – of course this follows our displayed writing\texts. But does this mean we must begin everything else on the left side? Because our mantras of convention state, we do it this way – does this mean we should blindly follow without thought? We do not navigate our computer by reading – we use our hands! If we use a mouse or trackpad – it may be relevant to consider where the most optimum position of a 'start button' is depending on whether we are left or right handed.
As for my mention of Linux, etc – this was just as a comparo – I have Windows 7, Windows 8 Pro, Linux Mint 13KDE and Ubuntu12.10 installed on my computer. Consider Win8 – no start button; Win 7 – on the left bottom; Linux Mint 13KDE – I have my panels at right bottom; Ubuntu12.10 – the launcher fixed on left side of screen. So I have all the 'extremes' of start button positioning on my computer. This is what provoked me into writing my piece!
As for mention of 'trolling' – oh boy! If that's how you read my article – then I am indeed way off the mark and must apologise! There was no sinister purpose intended whatsoever in my article and much of my post was 'fluff' to hopefully provide a laugh or two. Perhaps, some people need to lighten up and not take things so seriously!
Cheers!

 

Well if you are serious.....
http://www.thewindowsclub.com/orb-mover-move-start-button-menu-windows?

 

Maybe next time try this little thing they call "spacing" I didn't take it as a troll, I just couldn't read the thing without getting a headache. Your question and point was lost in the tsunami of text, lol.