Reasons why not to mess with a child

reasons not to mess with a child - good yukkers!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said
it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even
though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated,
the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father
and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the
oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at
her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
She's dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head,
the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face.." "Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your
feet ain't empty."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is
watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all
you want. God is watching the apples.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Subject: Email from God

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally
behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to check it
out.
So, he called one of his angels and sent the angel to Earth for a
time. When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes it is bad on Earth; 95% are
misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down
another angel to get a second opinion. So God called another angel and sent
him to Earth for a time.

The angel returned and said to God, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95%
are misbehaving and 5% are being good."
God was not pleased.
He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to
encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that E-mail said?

No?

I didn't get one either

 

HAHAHA

I got one. I'll forward it to you...

 

Some GR8 ones in there....I stole 'em!

God keeps losing my e-address, I guess.

 

Mine just arrived. Haven't opened it yet.

.... VERY FUNNY Peaches...
I also like the black humour ones and loved the line 'They will in a minute' meeting God joke....



TAS

 

Adrian, huh? Are you REALLY Rosemary's Baby all grown up?

 

lol lol lol i never seen these i thought i had all jokes locked dowen lol these are great

 

ROFL... now that's showing ya age there me old china plate.....

Rosemary's Baby, ROFL.... love it...

~head turns, slowly, gathering momentum, faster, faster, a low gurgling noise, a convulsive muscle spasm and out pours the green pea soup ~

..errrr... sorry, that was in my other role.

TAS/Baby Boomer

 

A short, hot love letter

I shall seek and find you...
I shall take you to bed and control you...
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan...
I will make you beg for mercy...
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you,
And you will be weak for days.

All my love,


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The 'Flu

 

arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I am just getting over that... ROFL...

edit:.... < snipped.....joke........................>

re-thought about it.. little 'rough around the edges'.


TAS

 

I could unprovise if i could use both hands typing. i'll post another love letter later.