Need Decent One Liners Please

In the beginning there was nothing - Then god said,
'Let there be light' - and there was still nothing
- but at least you could see it.

An idle mind is the best way to relax.

Regards.

 

"No God - No Peace? Know God - Know Peace."

 

you can prevent a summer cold by catching it in the winter

 

you know your living a sad life when a nyphomaniac tells you"lets just be friends"

 

a pig that knows karate is called a pork chop

 

A mind in thought with no IQ is still in neutral

 

you can hold a conversation without ever touching it

 

you can buy four suits for a dollar if you buy a deck of cards

 

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

 

If your feet hurt make sure your shoes are on the right feet.

 

You know you are over-the-hill when you're just too tired to climb one!

 

a piano has alot of keys but will never open a door

 

a trees favorite drink is a root beer

 

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

 

a wicked chicken lays deveiled eggs

 

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"--Henny Youngman

 

if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo you get Big Holes All Over Australia

 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

 

if frogs park illegaly they get toad

 

A bum came up to me saying "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"--Henny Youngman

 

Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.

 

the only cats that love bowling are alley cats

 

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.--Henny Youngman

 

if you cross posion ivy with four leaf clovers you get a rash of good luck

 

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered "Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz." The man says, "Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "I'm sorry, he's on vacation." "Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "He's on a big case, not available for a week." "Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "He's playing golf today." "Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz." "Speaking."--Henny Youngman