Modern Birds & Bees

SON: Dad, where did I come from?
DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!

Dad and mum met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with your mum and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Café? Then, mum did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload.


Nine months later, the damn virus appeared

 

Thats kind of cute

 

Two older ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it
started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end,
put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
> >
> > Lady 1: What's that?
> >
> > Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
> >
> > Lady 1: Where did you get it?
> >
> > Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
> >
> >
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
>announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
> >
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is,
after all, over 80years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she
prefers...
> >
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
> >
The pharmacist fainted.

 

LOL!!! What a joke to wake up to Hey that was one!! (red-faced goes off to 'nother thread)

 

Primrose, that joke is really one of a kind.

 

LOL
(the anti-virus software didn't work??)

 

Did they name it McAfee? Kapersky? Not AVG Jr?!?!

 

Right as the virus was born did the doctor yell, "AVAST!!" ?!?!

 

Or did he just NOD?!!? And a 1-32- and a 1-32!?!?

 

Guess they named it Norton lousyanti-virus.

 

Did DrWeb make a Trendy HouseCall amidst the Panda-monium?!?!?

 

Yes.. but early in the morning one could choke on a joke like that.


A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone.

Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his butt.

She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly, "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."

 

OH MY GAWD!! Ya did it again!! I hafta start wakin' up somewhere's else!!!
Can't stand all these BIG awakenings!?!?!??!?

 

Hilarious Primrose!!

 

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was there was no heaven.

After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact.

Mary... Mary...

Is that you Fred?

Yes, I have come back like we agreed.

What is it like?

Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon-supper-then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again.

Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven.

Hell no, I'm a rabbit in Kansas.





I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in men's rooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: "Not bad!"

And the other guy says: "So what's up with you?"

What a question? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "I'm like you, just traveling east!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye!"

 

A 90 year old woman gets talking to a 90 year old man in a Bar...she invites the old guy back to her place and eventually it gets round to them going to bed....the old guy asks if she has any condoms, she says what on earth for at our age and the old guy says "Well I've got a touch of rheumatics and I don't want to get anything damp".........


Cochise,

 

Wish continuously I was a raconteur, alas, even the best of jokes, slip through my mind when trying to recall them.

What a randy bunch, wot? Wondering about said bundle of joy(?) What did the parents christen the babe?

Was there a ZoneAlarm when child Bit(his) Defender, did doctor need PC-Cilln?

 

Hey, don't get too sexual...

 

whoa now that is good!!

 

I can almost hear the the Key turning in the Lock on this Thread..




Cochise,

 

Too Late! Norton's already been here!!

 

SON: Dad where do I come from?

DAD: Uh, Uh well you see men are different from women etc, and he proceeds with the facts of life.

SON: That can't be right.

DAD: What do you mean not right?

SON: Well Bill said he was from Oregon, where do I come from?

Moral: Not all want the answer you think they do.

Thanks
Wildman

 

Cute and True!!

 

A young woman, wearing a tight leather mini-skirt with
matching tight leather boots and jacket, was waiting
for the city bus.

When the young woman stepped up to board the bus,
she quickly realized that her skirt was too tight. The
embarrassed young woman reached behind her and
unzipped her skirt a little. She hoped this would give
her enough slack to climb the stairs onto the bus.
Much to her chagrin, though, that didn't help.

A big Texan, who was in line behind the embarrassed,
young woman, gently lifted her from the waist and
helped her onto the bus.

As expected, the young woman went ballistic, and turned
on the would-be hero, screeching at him, "How dare you
touch me! I don't even know who you are!"

The big Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but since you were unzippin' my fly, I kinda
figured that we was friends!"