Jokes told from the computer store

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by Uguel707, Jun 22, 2003.

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  1. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

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    Hey illuka,

    What sort of guitar(s) do you have to go with the Marshalls?

    I used to have a vanilla Telecaster with a Roland Jazz Chorus amp (I LOVE Roland Amps!)

    Right now I have only acoustic guitars; a Martin "BackPacker" and an Alvarez/Yairi DY-40. I plan on getting a Roland Acoustic Guitar Amp next :)
     
  2. illukka

    illukka Spyware Fighter

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    hi
    i have a gibson les paul, with seymour duncan pickups. it's black to silver sunburst.. + a blue custom made esp mirage+ ibanez rs 540
    amps, i have marshall super lead+ rocktron proG.A.P + some multieffects, alesis and zoom and a lee jackson poweramp.. loud...
     
  3. illukka

    illukka Spyware Fighter

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    me likes jazz chorus amps too, their chorus is awesome. if only the distortion was as good i'd get one. i had one 20 yars ago but it was used mostly with harmonica....
     
  4. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    from Illukka

    Wild Illukka! you certainly have great opportunities to start a band. I heard they make special editions of "les Paul". Those guitars were considered as the best ones! Many great singers play with them!

    I've got an acoustic "Norman" a limited edition, made in a workshop by instruments makers. Lots of people say it has a great quality song! The sound of it is strong, deep and mild.
    I have harmonica but I haven't praticed enough... :(
    I'm a little bit better with the guitar and the flute.
    I've got a flute "traversière" you know the sort we hold from side to side. Twas a nightmare just to blow in it at first but now I played better. ;)

    --I like the sound of bass too-- If case you meant the bass guitar--Don't know if you've ever heard "Papa Was a Rolling stone"? A song from the seventies, the bass in it is just so cool. And not hard for beginners ;)

    Uguel

    Hey Dan, maybe we should start a music thread? :)
     
  5. illukka

    illukka Spyware Fighter

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    bass guitar yeez i' ve tried the double bass too , but i's lot more difficult to play... no frets...but i love the sound of double bass.. years ago we had a jazz duo..i played git and my friend played bass violin.. strange music indeed was the outcome ...
     
  6. crockett

    crockett Registered Member

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    Hi Uguel707 :)

    My guess would be that Phil's Uncle's sister might be his Godmother, that the postman shouldn't care too much if I 'd take some letters from him, that no ordinary book should be able to hold a bookmark between pp 21-22, that the 1961-1691-and 1111 dates should do the trick, that 3+5+7-1 gets us to where we wanted to go, and that Leonardo and Mona would laugh a lot at your puzzles...

    Sorry but I'm not sure I understand the phrasing regarding 20 and 1, maybe I can get two zeros by starting with three and then taking one zero away ?!

    Anyway, in your posts I can see all the richness, 'peps' and humility I remember about Canada...

    How the hell did a musician such as you get into the computer business ?

    Rgds, Crockett :cool:
     
  7. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

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    whoa, check out the big brain on Crocket! :D

    The grey matter is sloshing along pretty freely there!!! ;)
     
  8. Dan Perez

    Dan Perez Retired Moderator

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    illuka,

    Have you heard Messiaen's "Quartet for the End of Time"? He composed it while imprisoned in a Nazi POW camp. The only qualified musicians dictated the ensemble of instruments. Piano, clarinet, violin and cello.
     
  9. illukka

    illukka Spyware Fighter

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    i'm not 100% sure but i think i' ve heard it, it was played some years ago at a finnish chamber music festival..
    our music was rarely composed in any way.. the only thing that remained was some guitar and bass riffs.. normally it was like he playing a bass riff and me doing solos over it, then i would play the riff and he would play a bass solo... great fun, some people even liked it.. i mean we got payed for doing a gig..
     
  10. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    Quote from Crockett
    ......................................................................................

    Very good Crockett! You've got most of them.
    Here are the answers:

    1. Philip's uncle's sister isn't her aunt. Who is she?
    His mother.

    2. You can take several letters away from me and I won't bother at all. Who am I?
    The postman.

    3. Can you put a bookmark between page 21 and 22 of a book?
    Impossible. Have a try!

    4. Which date (date of 4 numbers) is the same when you turn in upside down?
    1961,1111,and more

    5. How do you obtain twenty just by taking away one?
    write XIX(19),
    Then take out number one, and you get XX (20)

    6. How do you get to 14 with 5 number one?
    11+1+1+1=14

    7. When did Rembrant paint Mona Lisa?

    Of course, twas Leonardo!

    The trick is to find a simple answer. I must confess that your answer for number1 is not a bad one though. ;)
    You were very good Crockett! Just a few people enjoy those questions for most people don't have time enough for riddles. I can understand that.
    Uguel musician? :D

    Hey Crocket! Illuka and Dan Perez are certainly musicians...Not me! I'm just an amateur who likes to try a bit of everything! My favourite hobbies are drawing, painting and outdoor sports. The music is for relaxing only. No carreer ahead! :D But yes, I can teach Fine Arts even if I'm teaching something different now.
    Still, I always manage to do table activities with kids.
    All kids enjoy Fine Arts. Many adults too. Do You?

    from Illuka
    Bass has a very special sound, very large and relaxing... :)
    We can deal a lot with music. Last summer, there was a concert with very old instruments in our town. There were a
    harpsichord, bass viols, very old kind of flutes and oh boy! All of it sounded so nice. You felt you were in the 17th century... We just got transported away for the whole evening. It was difficult to get out from that concert hall and return to the everyday stuff. :(
    We would rather stay there longer! Music has a great power! ;)

    Thank you!

    In my case, I don't have the choice to be humble. My brother was very gifted not me. Seldom did he study when he was back from school and he always got excellent marks. I had to open my books and study carefully to get good results. :oops:
    ANW, I guess I like to say the truth. And, and I don't know much about computers but that's ok, I go at my own pace. :)

    --Oh Crockett, there are so many nice places to visit in here:

    New Brunswick: Nice place and friendly people from North to South.
    Ontario, Toronto: I lived there almost a year and love that city. Even if I wasn't used to live in a big city.
    New Scottia and Prince Edward Island: the landscapes are so
    beautiful. You will see red sand beaches.
    Quebec: The National park of La Mauricie. You can go camping
    in a very deep forest, see mooses, bears, and hear wolves howling at night. Creepy! Of course you can go simming, canoeing and fishing as well. That's one of my favourite place. You can also see very old lands like tundra. You'd feel colder as you climb up the mountains.There are other provinces that are nice to go, but I haven't visit all of them. And, I don't want my post to be "a touristic brochure!" :D :D :D

    Bye, Uguel
     
  11. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

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    A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

    "You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them.

    She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

    "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!"

    She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a
    choo-choo."

    She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words!"

    She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

    "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

    Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Sh*t."
     
  12. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool! :D :D :D

    Well, at least, he didn't take a "baby word"!




    ..........................................................................................

    I've just finished watching the movie you once told about : Mr. Shimdth with Jack Nicholson :'( Think your joke would help me to keep my spirits up! Very good movie but so sad! Thanks

    Bye, Uguel
     
  13. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

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    yeah that was a great movie but the funnyest one i seen is how to lose a man in 10 days.

    yeah that one movie you just saw was so good yet so sad
     
  14. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    from Blaze...

    Well, the store has it but it's always out...Guess lots of people heard about it...I'll get it sooner or later... ;)

    computer jokes:
    Customer: "My computer won't work. You guys must have broken it when you installed the modem."
    Tech Support: "What happens when you turn it on?"
    Customer: "It won't turn on anymore!!!!!"
    Tech Support: "So you don't see any lights or hear any noise?"
    Customer: "I'm telling you it WON'T TURN ON."
    Tech Support: "Is it plugged in?
    Customer: "OF COURSE it's plugged in, you MORON!"
    Tech Support: "When you push the power button it--"
    Customer: "Power button? This computer doesn't have a power button."
    Tech Support: "Sir, all computers have power buttons. Look at the front of the case, find the word 'power,' and push the button."
    Customer: "YOU FIXED IT!! Thanks!!!!"
    ....................................................................................................

    Customer: "I bought this computer from you two hours ago, and it doesn't work! I want my money back!"
    Store Clerk: "Let me see..."
    So I plugged the computer in and turned it on. I showed him that it was working, then I turned it off.


    Store Clerk: "Sir, this computer does work. I'm afraid we can't take it back."
    Customer: "How in the world did you turn it on?"
    Store Clerk: "I pressed the power switch."
    Customer: "You must have pressed something else, because I know for a fact that the power switch doesn't work!"
    He reached over and pressed the reset button repeatedly.


    Customer: "You see?"
    Store Clerk: "Sir, that's the reset button. This is the power switch."
    Customer: "That's a switch? I thought it was a decoration!"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    customer telephoned us. His PC had been struck by a power surge caused by lightning. We asked him why he didn't switch off the computer when the storm started. He replied, "I was going to, but it said, 'Please wait while Windows shuts down.'"
    ...................................................................................................


    A laptop user complained that, while hooked up to a docking station in the office, his
    laptop worked flawlessly, but when he used it at home, it only worked for an hour or so and then died.


    Tech Support: "Is it plugged in the mains ok?"
    Customer: "Yes."
    Tech Support: "Is the mains adaptor light on?"
    Customer: "It doesn't have one -- just the cable to connect it to the phone."
    Tech Support: "No, that's the modem. You should have another lead with a plug to connect the laptop to the mains power."
    Customer: "I don't need one of those, though, do I?"
    Tech Support: "You do if you want to work for longer than the batteries will last."
    Customer: "Oh. I thought that was what the modem was for -- to download more electricity from the office."
    ...................................................................................................

    An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it." About fifteen minutes later, she showed up at his door with the power cord.

    Uguel
     
  15. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

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    PC users, don't hate me!

    Actually, I'm a PC user. I just thought this was cute:
    BY SOS GIRLS LOL


    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon". In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
    2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
    7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
    8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
    9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off
     
  16. Jooske

    Jooske Registered Member

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    could this one be fixed please?
     

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  17. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    from Blade

    I finally could get that movie. Yes, that was very good. Not only it was funny but the dialogues were excellent too!
    Oh boy! that guy "Mathew" was really patient with Andie, the blonde girl. The funniest moment where I had a very good laugh, is when she sent him for soda pops at the best part of the Basket game. He was running like crazy and the little elderly man who served him was so slow...

    from Jooske

    Well, first, I put off the fire, I cleaned the pc, I changed the glass, then I put water and a fish to make sure that the new glass was watertight. If it doesn't leak after 3 days, I think we might keep it that way. :D

    http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0QwDVApEUeMEpT!S2rqNqlIdUXcIKXvEbVhLBcQs9rzeFait2LTMjEKGzUh3S0MCQ61*ENEUYDgsK0ja*IxvqGqfYnDd!S3rlatLpKEAzeXg/newpc.gif?dc=4675431127637707028

    Bye, Uguel
     
  18. Detox

    Detox Retired Moderator

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    ooh ooh I got that one beat Jooske :D

    I did this one myself - one of 3-4 victims that fateful winter day.

    And yes, we cleaned up the whole mess quite thoroughly when we were done ;)
     

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  19. Jooske

    Jooske Registered Member

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    True recycling from the computer store huh?
    Blub .. blub ..
     
  20. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

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    :Dyeah that sending him to get sodah at nicks game was evill lol

    hey whos this blade fellow lol?
     
  21. Mr.Blaze

    Mr.Blaze The Newbie Welcome Wagon

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    :D
     

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  22. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    if you ask about "Mathew", Mathew McConaughey plays "Ben" in the movie. Ben is the poor Andie's victim! :eek:
    I've juste learned a moment ago that kate Hudson, "Andie" is Goldie Hawn's daughter. Well, I can see why they look alike...

    :D :D :D

    Uguel
     
  23. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    "I hope this put a little smile on your face today"


    A broad smile... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

    Uguel
     
  24. Jooske

    Jooske Registered Member

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    Still thinking of having another look at the fishy flat screen, to put in front of the pc screen in stead of a screensaver

    Nice guy Blazey, is this you practising?
     
  25. Uguel707

    Uguel707 Graphic Artist

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    Any example? Suggestions? ;)

    Bye, Uguel
     
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