joke of the day

OK! OK! OK! This is my FAVORITE joke ever!!!

(I hope this isn't breaking any rules. If so, I apologize.)
(I'm kind of blondish, and I think its funny.)

http://gprime.net/audio/blondestar.php
Just click "Download" You'll love it!!!

BeetleBoss

 

Umm.. I don't know.. I used to read Asimov in my younger day's.. Was it I Robot?? (Did read that one but I forgot what was it about.. Except that robot wanted to become human and wanted to get rectum..)

 

Hehehehe... Nice.. Once I locked my wife in the car because she wouldn't want to go shopping with me.. I ment it as a joke, and thought she could get out of the car if she wanted to, but she couldn't.. So she sat there and parking police came asking for parking ticket.. They saw what was going on and left loughing (In Holland they usually give you a fine.. ..) Now she was so mad at me I thought she'll kill me..

 

LLLLLOOOOOLLLLL!!!
​

~clearing my throat~

Why, that's not funny at all!!
How dare you do that to your lovely wife!! ​

(Us women, are supposed to stick together. )

Is she a blonde though?? HA HA HA)

(Just don't tell her laughed. It could get me kicked out of the
"Woman Only Club" )

 

Yes... But she's a smart............. for a blonde.. (Ouch... )

 

OK, Here's another....but, I'm very nervous about those
crossing those lines


Little Johnny Gets Promoted

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her
students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was he
replied, "I'm too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the
third grade and I'm smarter than her to." The teacher took him
to the principals office and explained the situation to the
principal.

The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if
he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the
first grade and be quiet.

The teacher and Johnny both agreed.

Principal: "what is 3 x 3" Johnny: "9"

Principal: "6 x 6" Johnny: "36"

And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every
question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour
he told the teacher "I see no reason Johnny can't go to the
third grade, he answered all of my questions right."

The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The
principal and Johnny agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of?
Johnny: "Legs"

Teacher: "What do you have in your pants that I don't have?" the
principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Johnny
says, "pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Johnny:
"Pants"

Teacher: "What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of
excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck"

The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says "Put Johnny
in the fifth grade, I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.

 

Well, we only act stupid when we need too!!!

 

Hehehehe... That was the one with Johnny's dumber sister... I just love Little Johnny jokes...

 

It's just so sexy..

 

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE.........

This is hilarious, no wonder some people were offended!

This is the message the Pacific Palisades High School (California)
voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering
machine.


This came about because they implemented a policy requiring
students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and
missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who
want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades though
those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not
complete enough school work to pass their classes.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school:

"Hello! You have reached the automatic answering service of your
school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff
person, please listen to all your options before making a selection.

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher for the third time this year ! - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work,
homework, and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's
lack of effort ... hang up and have a nice day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~`~

I "THANK" God daily for my kiddo's wonderful teachers, Principal, and staff. Teachers don't get the pay or the credit they deserve!!!
BeetleBoss

 

Little Johnny wakes up early, like he does every day on the farm...
He want breakfast, but his mother tells him to do his chores first.
Well he's a little pissed, so as he's feeding the chickens.. he kicks one of them.
When he milks the cow, he kicks it too.. And as he's feeding the pigs he goes ahead and kicks one of them too.
When he sits down to breakfast, his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal...

He looks at her and says,"Why is this all I get?" The mother says,"Well I saw you kick the cow, so you dont get any milk.. You kicked one of the chickens so you dont get any eggs... And you kicked one of the pigs so you dont get any bacon or ham."
As little Johnny eats his cereal, his father comes in. On the way to the table, he kicks the cat out of the way... As he sits down, little Johnny looks over to his mother and says," Are you gonna tell him or should I?"

 

Point out if I am wrong but there was no mention of previous posts, this made ronjor's post appear a little random.

Jimbob

 

Hi Jimbob,

See no13's post #15 and LWM's # 20. Admittedly Ron's original reference to TOS was before those two, hence some possible confusion, but don't forget there was probably some private IM's as well while all this was going on.

Best,
Mike

 

I know, I personally would have stated what had happened earlier and therefore the post by ronjor would have seemed a little less random and maybe for some a little less uncalled for.

Jimbob

 

LLLOOOLLL!!!!​

Watch out for those LINES!!!


I'll have to hurry up and copy & paste that somewhere incase something happens (you know-the AX!!!) Beetlejuice would like that one!!
There...got it!!
BeetleBoss

 

This is the actual radio conversation (released by the chief of naval operations) of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.


CANADIANS: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision"


AMERICANS: "Recommend YOU divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision"


CANADIANS: "Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision"


AMERICANS: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course"


CANADIANS: "No, I say again, you divert your course"


AMERICANS: "This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship"


CANADIANS: "This is a LIGHTHOUSE. Your call"

 

LOL!!!!!!

 

This is kindda cute,

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked:"Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"

Gary answered soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle...
And He did!"

 

Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him..

"Joe, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go.. "

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Joe... You're a vet!!!"

 

LOL.. We beseech Thee to hear us..

 

Your sick!!!!!.....in a funny kind of way!!!!
SOMEBODY!! We need a smiley face that laughs!!!!!

 

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/lachen/laughing-smiley-014.gifhttp://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/lachen/laughing-smiley-004.gifhttp://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/lachen/laughing-smiley-011.gifhttp://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de//devil/sagrin.gifhttp://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de//jump.gifhttp://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de//happy/astrosmiley.gif

Something for mods/admins maybe?
http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/linie/smiley-linie-010.gif

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/aktion/action-smiley-073.gif



http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/fragend/confused-smiley-013.gif

 

Six year old Mary and her four year old brother Joey were sitting together in church. Joey giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joey.

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joey shot back.

Mary pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?" Joey nodded.

"They're hushers."

 

Meanings of Abbreviations



NAPSTER
No longer A Possible Solution To Escape Record-buying

TWAIN
Technology Without Any Important Name

PCMCIA
People Can´t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity (Well they aren't making as much money as Billy, but I'd trade my bank account with Steve anytime... )

SCSI
System Can´t See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASIC
Bill´s Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft (or conversely "I Build Macs")

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon Too

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs (NOT TRUE!!!! )

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Buisiness Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Gamers Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

 

Hia. Welcome (kinda late, but what the heck).
I likes that one waay too much. waay.