Happily Addicted to the Web

Discussion in 'ten-forward' started by ronjor, Nov 13, 2004.

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  1. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

    Jul 21, 2003
    Happily Addicted to the Web

    Sung, if possible, to the tune of "Winter Wonderland"

    Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
    From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
    I'm happy -- although
    My boss let me go --
    Happily addicted to the Web.

    All night long, I sit clicking,
    Unaware time is ticking,
    There's beard on my cheek,
    Same clothes for a week,
    Happily addicted to the Web.

    Friends come by; they shake me,
    Saying, "Yo, man!
    Don't you know tonight's the big dance?"
    With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
    I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

    I don't phone, don't send faxes,
    Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
    Who cares if someday
    They drag me away?
    I'm happily addicted to the Web!

    Credit to: David Pogue. He published that gem in MacWorld (December 1996).
  2. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    Sep 21, 2003
    SW. Oklahoma
    sounds a little to familiar :D ;)
  3. Acadia

    Acadia Registered Member

    Sep 8, 2002
    SouthCentral PA
    (gulp) :doubt:

  4. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    Sep 21, 2003
    SW. Oklahoma
    yeah really ;)
  5. dog

    dog Guest

    Another Addict! :blink: :( :ninja: *puppy* :ninja:

    Where's our support group? o_O
  6. ssgtmax

    ssgtmax Registered Member

    May 2, 2004
    Phoenix, AZ
    Maybe Drs. Phil, Laura or Brothers can help.... :doubt:
  7. bigc73542

    bigc73542 Retired Moderator

    Sep 21, 2003
    SW. Oklahoma
  8. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

    Jul 21, 2003
    First step.

    12 Steps for Computer Addicts

    Found in alt.humor. Posted by: dcoble <dcoble@gateway.net>

    1. We admitted we were penniless over our addiction and our lives had become unmanageable.
    2. We came to believe that a CPU greater then ours could restore us to sanity.
    3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our computer as we understood it.
    4. We made a searching and fearless backup of our hard-drive(s).
    5. We admitted to God, ourselves, and another BBS the exact nature of our wrongs.
    6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all those viruses.
    7. We humbly asked him to do away with bugs.
    8. We made a spreadsheet of all the persons we had harmed.
    9. We made direct amends, via modem to such people <regardless of LD charges> wherever possible except when to do so would injure or fry our modems.
    10. We continued to make vigilant backups.
    11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our CPU praying only for a power supply to carry it all out.
    12. Having had a good laugh out of this damn thing we decided to make a hard copy of the above steps and post it on our walls.
  9. dog

    dog Guest

    LOL ... someone looks ready for some fisty cuffs (back left) ... hmm ... he also looks a little smashed ... as does the guy in the center/middle :D
  10. gerardwil

    gerardwil Registered Member

    Jan 17, 2004
    The Netherlands
    Internet Addicted Test
    Are you addicted to the Internet? Take this short test and then see below for scoring. Now let's begin!

    1. What do you think are good names for children?
    a) Scott and Jenny.
    b) Bill Gates IV.
    c) Mozilla and Dotcom.

    2. What's a telephone?
    a) A thing with a round dial you use to talk to others.
    b) A telecommunications device with 12 keys.
    c) Something you plug into a modem.

    3. Which punctuation is most correct?
    a) I had a wonderful day!
    b) I had a **wonderful** day!!!
    c) I had a wonderful day :)

    4. You wake up at 4:00 a.m. and decide to:
    a) Visit the washroom.
    b) Raid the fridge.
    c) Check your E-mail.

    5. What are RAM and ROM?
    a) A male sheep and a city in Italy.
    b) Hulking stars of the WWF.
    c) I need more of the former and should upgrade the latter.

    6. To avoid a virus you should:
    a) Stay away from people who sneeze and cough.
    b) Never read E-mail titled "Good Times".
    c) Use virus scanning software every time you boot up.

    7. When you want to buy something hard-to-find you:
    a) Ask friends where to purchase it.
    b) Check out the Yellow Pages.
    c) Go to Yahoo!

    8. When you don't understand how to use a new appliance you:
    a) Call the retailer.
    b) Call the manufacturer's toll-free number.
    c) Visit the manufacturer's Web site and look for the FAQ.

    9. When you want to see all the beautiful people you:
    a) Visit a club on a Saturday night.
    b) Turn on the TV and tune in to Baywatch.
    c) Check out the alt.binary newsgroups.

    10. How do you introduce yourself at a party?
    a) Hi, I'm Jane!
    b) Hi, I'm a Taurus on the cusp.
    c) Hi, I'm a 5'10" hot blonde with a super bod.

    11. When you're interested in someone at a party you say:
    a) Tell me more about yourself.
    b) What's your star sign?
    c) What's your Profile?

    12. If you really like the person, you say:
    a) Could you tell me your phone number?
    b) What's your E-mail address?
    c) Let's chat Private.

    13. When I say spam, you think:
    a) Ham in a can.
    b) Unsolicited advertising E-mail.
    c) I mailbomb all spammers!

    14. When you receive an AOL trial diskette, you say:
    a) I don't need another mug coaster.
    b) Great! I'll reformat and use it for backups.
    c) Great! I'll sign up under a fake ID and use up the 50 hours.

    15. When you want to research a reference you:
    a) Open up a volume of your encyclopedia.
    b) Slip Encarta in your CD-ROM drive.
    c) Go to www.altavista.digital.com.

    16. When you write a letter you:
    a) Put pencil to paper.
    b) Open Eudora.
    c) Ask: What's a letter? Is it like E-mail?

    17. Different types of text formatting include:
    a) Writing and printing.
    b) Underline and double-strike.
    c) Bold and italic.

    18. You correct errors using:
    a) An eraser.
    b) White-out.
    c) Backspace or delete.

    19. You sign your name:
    a) Best regards, John Smith.
    b) See you in IRC, John_Smith.
    c) Check out my home page for the cool links, johnsmith@aol.com.

    20. To keep a copy of your letter you:
    a) Insert a carbon and a second sheet.
    b) Take it to the photocopier.
    c) Check your Sent Mail folder.

    SCORING: Give yourself zero points for each "a" response, five for each "b" and 10 for each "c". If you scored 150 or higher, unplug your computer and log more hours in real life. If you scored between 50 and 145, you're living a good mix of Net and reality. If you scored under 50, you probably didn't read this far.
  11. ronjor

    ronjor Global Moderator

    Jul 21, 2003
    Whoops!!! :D :D Good one Gerard.
  12. Marja

    Marja Honestly, I'm not a bot!!

    Mar 8, 2004
    In the Vast Fields of My Mind
    I'll be back!! Haveta see what my other computers say.......................................

    I'm sure one of them has the answers, maybe i'll google, or look in my books, or all that old spam I save, could be in .........just a sec,..............could be in the old compaq's sent mail file, I'll take it, but,first I should look in the files of that 1970 tandy, be right back..............................................................found my 1989 tax returns, yea! is it too late,y'think?...............................genealogy for dummies..downloaded..found out speled name wrong..................................hey, look at that.....................did I have a kid?........................................hey, I guess I had a dog or two,.............uh?................................click,click,click......................................

    What was the question againo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O??
  13. Cochise

    Cochise A missed friend

    Jan 26, 2003
    North Thoresby Lincs Good Olde England
    How many times have I told you not to Bother me while I'm Surfing...... :D

  14. nadirah

    nadirah Registered Member

    Oct 14, 2003
    How to cure computer addiction:
    1) Shut Down Windows.
    2) Set a time limit for yourself on the computer.
    3) Seek professional counselling.
    4) Understand why you're addicted.
    5) Don't use the computer for 1 month.

    If still not cured, knock yourself on the head and say oh my god! :D
  15. AJohn

    AJohn Registered Member

    Sep 29, 2004
    The guy in white is moments away from throwing the guy with his fists in air over the side into those trees. Right after he chugs his drink.
  16. freeloadin

    freeloadin Guest

    my baby sister could beat that guy up, where 'd he leaarn his fisticuffs?

    he's gonna need bionic head!! lol thats progress for ya
  17. Galcoolest

    Galcoolest Registered Member

    Jun 18, 2004
    San Francisco
    I first got hooked on computers in the 80's, and then the potential of cyberchat when I discovered how to get into some BBS chat groups in 1990 in San Francisco. Looking back, it was pathetically limited, but those of us out there communicating and sharing ideas on the early networks felt very cutting edge indeed at the time.

    Then fell behind on the rapidly evolving computer industry for a few years while doing educational and career things that were unrelated, but when I re-geared in the late 90's I was right back at it, spending my free time screwing around with the internet and computers because it was much more fun and intriguing than TV ever was- and only books or outdoor activities could hope to compete for my attentions in my personal time.

    When I tried to convince my Dad in about 98 that he should get a computer, he guffawed and discounted them as for geeks, etc. and thought I was wasting time and money on that hobby. Well, my siblings and I joined forces on Xmas 99 and got him what was then a cutting edge setup. He sort of rolled his eyes as he opened the components, and while thanking us, made it clear he wasn't really going to have much use for that stuff.

    But after we left to go back to our out-of-town homes, curiousity got the better of him, and our Mom relates how he spent the next few weeks 24/7 completely absorbed with screwing around with his computer, trying to figure it out. And he's the type that wouldn't call a tech help line if it killed him.

    And those weeks are now years- my dad isn't just addicted to computing- his whole life is computing. He still has no clue how really how to operate the software he gets into, and his files are like a tornado hit, and he's woefully security ignorant, but he's happy. Hid biggest thrill daily is getting his NYT crossword puzzle and feverishly hunting all over the net for the obscure answers --
    (using the huge links list he's built and that he is most proud of)
    My mom still complains she "lost him" when we kids just had to give him that damn thing. But it's really totally cool that in his retirement years he has a passionate interest in a hobby that keeps his intellect fresh and his world view current.

    I go in phases with the addiction- like my chat phase, the music burning phase, my more recent security absession phase--- but I can still turn it off and read a book or spend hours in the kitchen messing with some recipe now and then.

    I would have killed for this technology when I was a kid- (I was a library-research junkie type) and just adore what computers and the internet have done for this planet and for me personally. But the more I learn about the machines themselves, and all the attendant software and network stuff, the more I realize that I don't know squat.

    And so I try to rein in my addictive tendencies - my never satiated desire to learn more and more- and get SOME sleep once in a while. ;)
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