Court in the act

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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

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A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

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The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.

The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward."

Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

[AnthonyG]

The one i liked when i read it was a man decided to defend himself on an Armed robbery charge. During his cross examination of one of the bank tellers she said something that he did not believe was true. To which in an enraged state proclaimed. "I should have blown your f***ing head off". Then after a minute after he had calmed down. He addded "if i were infact the armed robber".

He was conviceted.

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questions posed by lawyers in court....

* You were there until the time you left, is that true?

* The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

* Were you present when your picture was taken?

* Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

* When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

[beetlejuice]

-{ Quote: "questions posed by lawyers in court....

* You were there until the time you left, is that true?

* The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

* Were you present when your picture was taken?

* Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

* When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?" }-

I have come to the conclusion that lawyers are aliens from another planet seeing that non of them can speak in a language that any human can understand. :P

[Triple Helix]

-{ Quote: "I have come to the conclusion that lawyers are aliens from another planet seeing that non of them can speak in a language that any human can understand. :P" }-


That's Very true Beetlejuice they must be Aliens!! ;)

Cheers,

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here's some more....

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.