spy1
February 17th, 2004, 02:10 PM
Introducing: The WhineOMeter
The WOM functions as follows:
After allowing you a two-period to get your feet wet, figure out how this forum works and where things are supposed to go, the WOM begins "watching" you when you log in.
Using advanced "whine heuristics" (DarkStarSoftware, patent pending) WOM will examine every word typed for "triggers" (exp:
"WAH!"
"I can't get this forum to work right!"
"You moved my post!"
"Your cookies look funny!"
"I can't login/stay logged in/log out!"
"I didn't RTFM! Just help me!"
"My post disappeared when I clicked "POST"!"
Instantly upon detection of such behavior, WOM goes into action, gently at first:
(1) The forum won't work right for you
(2) Your posts will get moved
(3) logging in, staying logged in and logging out will all become impossible.
(4) A manual will be sent to you - C.O.D
(5) Your posts will disappear when you click "POST".
Complaints about the WOM system itself will be responded to by the following actions:
(1) They'll never appear on the board (on-the-fly, instantaneous censorship is the latest feature in WOM v.1.1!)
(2) Your forum password will be changed to a random Swahili sex goddess' name
(3) Your account will automatically self-destruct, forcing you create a new one each time you attempt to post.
(4) Attempting to continue posting regardless of these obstacles will result in this websites' link being added to the "Restricted" zone in your browser and (if applicable) blocked from access in your firewall's settings).
Enjoy your new "whinefree" experience when WOM is fully deployed!
Brought to you by the makers of DarkStarSoftware - where whining never happens!
The WOM functions as follows:
After allowing you a two-period to get your feet wet, figure out how this forum works and where things are supposed to go, the WOM begins "watching" you when you log in.
Using advanced "whine heuristics" (DarkStarSoftware, patent pending) WOM will examine every word typed for "triggers" (exp:
"WAH!"
"I can't get this forum to work right!"
"You moved my post!"
"Your cookies look funny!"
"I can't login/stay logged in/log out!"
"I didn't RTFM! Just help me!"
"My post disappeared when I clicked "POST"!"
Instantly upon detection of such behavior, WOM goes into action, gently at first:
(1) The forum won't work right for you
(2) Your posts will get moved
(3) logging in, staying logged in and logging out will all become impossible.
(4) A manual will be sent to you - C.O.D
(5) Your posts will disappear when you click "POST".
Complaints about the WOM system itself will be responded to by the following actions:
(1) They'll never appear on the board (on-the-fly, instantaneous censorship is the latest feature in WOM v.1.1!)
(2) Your forum password will be changed to a random Swahili sex goddess' name
(3) Your account will automatically self-destruct, forcing you create a new one each time you attempt to post.
(4) Attempting to continue posting regardless of these obstacles will result in this websites' link being added to the "Restricted" zone in your browser and (if applicable) blocked from access in your firewall's settings).
Enjoy your new "whinefree" experience when WOM is fully deployed!
Brought to you by the makers of DarkStarSoftware - where whining never happens!